Though this blog is intended to cover a wide range of life hacking topics in the realm of health, wealth, and relationships, for both men and women, there’s at least one more subject I want to cover while we’re still on the theme of getting better with women.
When it comes to pursuing something that interests me, I have only two settings: Full Steam or Off. I have a rage to master. When I get into something, I go deep. I spent four years obsessed with chess, trying to become the next Bobby Fischer. I spent a year studying and playing Poker almost non-stop. When I got into Ruby on Rails software consulting, I sent out 80 CVs in two weeks to start drumming up business at a rate that would satisfy me.
Late last year, I read a book called The Game
and a new passion emerged. I decided to take a more structured and scientific approach to meeting beautiful women.
I wanted to become a Pickup Artist.
What follows is a description of my own experiences walking this path. I want to relate to you what I liked and disliked about it, and invite you to draw your own conclusions about whether getting involved in the “seduction community” would be right for you. If you’re already aware of, or involved in this community, then I hope you’ll find it interesting to compare and contrast my experiences with your own.
What is a Pickup Artist?
A Pickup Artist, or “PUA” for short, is a guy who is skilled in the art of attracting and seducing beautiful women–a sort of dating ninja.
There are many schools of thought on seduction, from using NLP and hypnosis to cast your coital spells, to applying a deep understanding of social dynamics and high-octane attraction techniques as a way to amplify your animal magnetism.
An entire online movement has formed around guys wanting to get better with women, and there is no shortage of companies ready to collect your Visa number in exchange for the secret to sexual nirvana.
The Motivation
Before I got into The Game, I was already pretty good with women. I’d had my share of fun and adventure with women of unique beauty and interest. I’d had relationships with women in both Europe and Canada, including a few that spoke no English whatsoever.
So why change anything?
My biggest peeve was online dating. I’d been using that as my main form of meeting people, but eventually lost interest. As a computer geek, I was already spending enough time in front of my computer. I wanted to flirt in three dimensions.
I knew that meeting my ideal woman would require some way of flooding my life with opportunities to meet them, but I had no idea how to make it happen. The seduction community naturally caught my interest. I was intrigued by the idea of taking a concerted, goal-centric approach to my love life, learning how to connect with exactly the kind of women I wanted, and being able to choose my own adventures.
After doing some more reading–mostly online–my curiosity intensified. Was it really this easy to meet women? How far could I take this? Could I use this knowledge to expand my social life as well? I was ready to get out of my house and into the field, to start taking action and measuring the results.
The Game is Played in the Field
The seduction community calls it “sarging”: the act of meeting women by way of cold approach. To me, it was like social skydiving.
I made friends with guys who were into this stuff and went out with them almost every night of the week, and during the day sometimes too. Malls, bookstores, nightclubs, pharmacies, clothing stores, libraries, parks, lounges, pubs–anywhere there were large numbers of attractive women.
I was completely terrified at first. I’m a sort of shy extrovert: I can be very social and engaging around people I already know, but talking to strangers was way outside my comfort zone.
My first couple of nights “sarging” were pathetic. I couldn’t bring myself to approach. It was like a self-induced repression. I knew I wanted to open up, but my fragile little ego kept protecting me from rejection. By the third day, my inability to start a conversation was becoming increasingly frustrating. Finally, I decided to give my buddy $100 and force myself to earn it back, $20 per approach.
And then something amazing happened.
Overcoming the Fear
Risking something tangible–money–gave me the impetus to overcome my fear. I summoned up the courage to start talking to people I didn’t know. I noticed one particularly striking girl walking towards me along a busy shopping street in downtown Montreal, and managed to strike up a conversation with her about–of all things–exotic teas. About 10 minutes later, I ended the conversation on a high note and walked away with her phone number.
That night, at a local student bar, I got two more phone numbers: one from an athletic Vancouver girl who told me to put her number in my phone, then another from a bubbly American blonde who went to find my buddy so that she could find me to…tell me to put her number in my phone!
This particular aspect of PUAdom was completely life-changing. It was as if all I needed to do was make a habit of saying “Hi” and my love life would be taken care of. It was only my third day in the field and I’d managed to hit if off, most notably, with at least one girl I would have previously considered “unapproachable” and walked away with her phone number right in the middle of a busy shopping street.
This part of the PUA experience was so positive for me that I continue to meet new people this way to this day. (But I don’t “sarge” anymore; I’ll expand on this in an upcoming article.)
The PUA Lexicon
The pickup world has a vocabulary all its own: openers, false time constraints, bouncing, false takeaways, number-close, kiss-close, lay reports, buying temperature, vibing, last-minute resistance, DHVs, DLVs, and so on. It wasn’t just a knowledge base, it was a whole new technology.
A group of people with a woman in it was now a “set”. A woman was now a “target” and her friends were the “obstacles”. A date was now a “day2″. I no longer wanted a girlfriend, I wanted an “LTR” (Long-Term Relationship).
While I understood that the terminology made it much easier to discuss pickup with other guys, it still messed with my head in some ways. Not only did I feel strange referring to human beings in such cardboard terms, but I almost never had a non-pickup conversation with the PUAs I hung out with. Instead of chilling out and having a good time, I was now constantly calculating the social logistics.
Read Part II, Seduction for Smart People: Should You Become a “Pickup Artist”? – Part II
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very interesting, could you email me when part II comes?
Hi doug,
Feel free to subscribe to the feed so you can be notified automatically when the blog is updated:
http://30sleeps.com/blog/feed/
So you are all about meeting copious amounts of new and beautiful women but you are looking for a LTR???…”I no longer wanted a girlfriend, I wanted an “LTR” (Long-Term Relationship).”
How does that make sense? Where you already tired of the “scene”?
@Darius:
I’m a discerning shopper. :)
While I’ll sometimes go on a social rush, and meet a few dozen people in a week, I might only go on dates with one or two of them.
Interesting post, Thanks for the information.
Hey what were your favorite online dating sites?
I just stumbled across this site. Interesting how others introduce ‘the community’. Tbh you seemed to be fine before pick up, as you said, so it’s no wonder you got a little better with some extra info AND practice. Many guys who do this ’sarging’ could better spend the time approaching instead on looking inside themselves and making improvements from within. Without it – they come across as..lacking something.
Btw I’ve never met a guy who was good at this who still used the PU terminolgy, unless they were being ironic.
You said: “it still messed with my head in some ways.” I think ‘the community’ can help guys but I doubt guys will really make a real improvement and get that girl or be really happy until they leave, and put all those books in the attic.
I’m going to read the other parts of your blog now and find out why you called it ’30sleeps.com’ :)
Could you tell me where you met people who were into this stuff?
Did you ever do anything with the year knowledge of studying poker?
oops, i read the econd part first. So no probleme, i’m going to read this one :)
Thanks so much, i’ve found the second part so true and informative.
I thin everyone should become a PUA to see what it takes to have success with lots of women.
It’s not that bad when there are dozens of women calling you every day and you being difficult to please.