In Part I of this two-part series, I discussed my own discovery of, and initial experiences in, the seduction community.

In this article, I’ll talk more about a typical night in the field, the experiences I had with some of the women I met while sarging, and mix in some lessons I learned about women that I am able to believe only because I experienced them. I’ll end with a summary of my own thoughts on being a Pickup Artist, the approach I now take to meeting and connecting with women of exceptional quality, and let you draw your own conclusions about whether this lifestyle is for you.

Field Reports

A “field report” is a detailed written account of a PUA’s social adventures: openers used, body language, tonality, the exact words exchanged, subtle response signals observed, “kino” (physical) escalation, social logistics, and everything in between.

For all the time I spent reading field reports, I never wrote one. First, I was often so full of adrenaline and had so many interactions that I could barely reconstruct the finer details of things the day after. Second, I was lazy. Third, this level of social analysis, while demonstrably effective, came at a price. I’ll get into that later.

A typical night out usually involved me and one wingman. We would usually choose spots that offered many venues to choose from, so that when the action dried up in one, we could easily “bounce” to another.

We never drank. The PUA work ethic required clear and quick thinking. Every social situation was a puzzle of imperfect information, and it was up to us to resolve the situational dynamics in our favour. Interacting with women wasn’t just an interesting challenge, it was a mental martial art.

Though our nights were alcohol-free, we knew all about AA. Approach Anxiety was a PUA’s worst enemy. The first one was always the most difficult. We’d usually need to warm up, giving ourselves permission to get completely blown out by a few sets early on in exchange for heightened social calibration. This lifestyle was all about failing your way forward.

Eventually, we’d find our groove and enter the social flow. Different guys had different objectives in the field. Mine was usually just a phone number or two. I never wanted to be that “bar makeout guy” or rack up sexual victories.

At the end of the night, me and my wing would exchange war stories, distilling our experiences into lessons to be applied the next time around.

A (Weird) Dating Story

In a span of a few months, I met a lot of women and had my share of fun dates. But, there was one story in particular which taught me a couple of interesting lessons: the exotic tea girl.

She was a gorgeous, high-fashion brunette. We had a day2 at a downtown cafe. It was short and sweet, included ample amounts of good conversation and laughter, but, despite the positive vibe, I wasn’t sure where things were going or if I’d even see her again.

But I did. A few days later we ended up sat across a tiny table across from each other, flirting over a bottle of red wine in a trendy neighbourhood lounge.

That’s when I found out she had a boyfriend.

Lesson #1: It doesn’t matter if she has a boyfriend.

Every PUA has his own moral code. “Avoid girls with boyfriends” is around the top of my list. In this case I made an exception because, as she explained it, theirs was a long-distance relationship whose contract included a clause to “not hold each other back”, an amendment presumably made for situations just like this.

An hour or two later we ended up back at my place. We eventually moved from the couch to the bed. She stayed the night.

But we never had sex.

We didn’t even kiss.

Lesson #2: Assume nothing.

To this day, I’m not sure how that happened, but it did. In retrospect, I realized this was merely one instance of a broader truth: you can take nothing for granted with women. In all fairness, I’m sure women would say the same of men.

Pros and Cons

Have you ever noticed that there’s something strange about a lot of sargers? It’s as if you look at a guy, and you can just TELL that something is missing.

– Style, author of The Game

I continued learning pickup for several months. I spent countless hours in the field, met hundreds of strangers, weaved my way into many social circles, and got a solid handle on my love life.

There were many positive things this lifestyle taught me, including:

• Meeting women is easy. I learned that if I was willing to push beyond the pain of rejection, I got results. My initial goal had been to simply keep getting the type of women I was getting previously, but without having to do online dating. I am now fully confident that I can switch from insane workaholic blogger entrepreneur mode to serial dater in about a week. (If only I could learn to better balance the two… :)
• People don’t bite. Really. The world is full of friendly strangers.
• Women are awesome. Like most guys, I’ve had some bad experiences with women. I used to get bitter about it. I used to think all women were crazy. Learning pickup gave me insights into our biological machinery and allowed me to mentally record and observe behavioural patterns. Also, knowing how easy it was to meet people made it much easier for me to walk away from a relationship gone sour.
• Women are the shyer gender. Women are just as horny as guys. They love sex just as much as we do, if not more. But a woman generally won’t go for what she wants, at least not directly. Our social conditioning dictates that the guy has to make the first move.
• Social conditioning is at least as powerful as religion. Approaching people you don’t know is “creepy”. Being out alone at social gatherings is “weird”. A woman who gives her number out to a guy in front of her friends risks being labelled a “slut”. Social conditioning owns our collective asses.

But there were downsides too, including:

• Guys turning into Social Robots. Though I was never much into “canned material”, a lot of guys I hung out with were. I remember talking with a couple of girls at the pub, when my wing came in and literally spit out almost every line that Style wrote about in The Game. And this was from a guy who had been into pickup for years. Was this what “success with women” meant? Ugh.
• People know about The Game. Not only was using prepared lines creepy and plastic, it was also surprisingly likely that you’d run into girls that had already heard them. Yet another reason I preferred to play it natural.
• There’s a lot of misogyny. A lot of guys into pickup have good intentions. They’re just horny intellectual types who enjoy geeking out on seduction. They’re into “alternative lifestyles” and they’re honest about it. But there’s also a pervasive attitude of resentment and dishonesty towards women among a certain segment. While Sturgeon’s Law accounts for this, it’s still hard to ignore.
• You become reaction-seeking. Our internal states were often dependent on positive responses. One bad blowout could throw us off for the whole night.
• You live a double life. I hated having a significant chunk of my life that I couldn’t talk about, for fear of giving people the wrong impression.

Life Beyond Pickup

Pickup is great for guys who don’t know the first thing about talking to women, want to develop their social skills, and want to learn how to put their best foot forward in the spotlight of female attention. The canned and highly structured approach provides a functional scaffolding for learning to make your life as juicy as you want it to be.

But, though I first set foot on this territory just nine months ago, I decided a few months back that it wasn’t for me. I still occasionally participate in online discussions, but I’ve dropped the micromanagerial approach to social interaction. While it got results, it wasn’t addressing the underlying issues.

I realized my biggest hangup had nothing to do with knowing what to say, learning how to manipulate social dynamics, or knowing when to kiss. I didn’t need to hone my kino escalation skills, or learn to entertain her with cold reading instead of interview-style questioning. The real problem was that I actually cared what people thought of me, and that held me back from going out and creating massive opportunity.

I went into this already having decent social skills and fashion sense; all I needed now was to get the hell out of my own way and talk to people everywhere I went.

I’ve spent the last few months turning the focus inward, learning to let go of the ego and live fully in the now. I don’t use “openers” anymore. I have no “kiss-close” routines. I don’t have an arsenal of responses to counter a woman’s “shit tests”. I don’t even process any negative input a girl throws my way. I feel like I’ve reached a new level of being, where I get high simply off exchanging energy with people, regardless of their reactions. I waste no time anymore reading up on the latest attraction technology, yet my results are better than ever.

So, if you have extreme social anxiety or feel awkward interacting with women, the seduction community may be what you’re looking for. But if you’re already a cool guy feeling caged in by shyness, then the secret is that there is no secret. Just get out of your house and start saying hi to people. Accept that you might get blown out by the first few dozen women you talk to, but don’t let it slow you down, and you’ll be well on your way to meeting the girl of your dreams.

Read Part I, Seduction for Smart People: Should You Become a “Pickup Artist”? - Part I