I met a beautiful girl using the techniques in the book last summer and we became closer. We were together for 6 months, which were horrible because I was not myself. I would always try to impress her so that she could like me more but I failed miserably. I was always thinking about the dynamics of the conversation, what to say, what not to say, how to be cool. In the end, like you said, I became a prisoner of my own mind. She ended up cheating on me with some other guy.

All this time I had been so confident because I thought I had a good grasp on life and relationships but after this happened I was lost with no direction and no understating of why it happened. So thank you for this blog! It helped me a lot!

I also want to thank you for referring us to the book “The Power of Now” I’m reading it as I type this and I definitely see my life changing in a positive way.

Thank you so much Again!

There is a difference.

Spirituality has religious (at most) or supernatural (at least) connotations. There is a common mistake I’ve seen that if one accepts the philosophical/psychological conclusions of a guru (such as “live in the moment”), then one thinks… “gee, I agree with what guru X has said, and he/she is spiritual, therefore I guess spirituality must be legitimate”

Lovely post. I really like the ‘infinite ocean of consciousness’ construct.

While it is certainly true that one shouldn’t waste time with people who are a waste of time — that don’t ‘mesh’ with your goals in life, without a significant tick towards the positive side of attractiveness, especially in terms of height and weight, girls that you randomly walk up to and talk to will not respond to you in a positive way. “I’m digging your vibe” at a club falls flat on its face with hot girls that don’t think *you* are hot at first site.

Try your exact same ’social skydiving’ experiments with a fat suit on and you will instantly know what I am talking about. Sure, there are plenty of very nice people out there who will chat you up, but girls will avoid you like the plague.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I am really enjoying your blog.

You said “You are not your mind.” That is true! We can all feel that we are so much more than just a body and mind. We all know, deep down inside, that there is something more than merely a bag of blood, cells and half-digested food. There has to be. If there wasn’t, no one would believe in a spirit.

And, if you think about it, there are so many things that people worry about that are just ideas in our head. Once we notice that all the stuff swirling around inside of our head is merely our own ideas, somehow they don’t seem so significant anymore. Its like they just fade off a bit, like a washed out photograph, after its been left in the sun…

So, if you talk to a girl and she ignores you (has this ever happened to you?), we can feel pretty angry or sad. But, if you think about it, that is just a feeling that we chose to feel. That’s just the expression of an old habit. Because the feeling isn’t real. There is no reason that we can’t feel great about the fact that she didn’t talk to us. Besides, she was probably an ax murderer or something. (Ever hear of a poor guy named Bobbitt?) How we feel depends soleyt on how we represent it in our mind.

Because whatever we think about in our mind becomes real for us. And, when we notice that and say, “Oh, that’s just an idea in my mind.” Or, “That’s just an old habit.” Or, “That’s just a set of electricity moving around in my brain.” When we notice those things, then it all seems so far away. Even the girl seems far, far away…

So, the point is that there are so many things that we believe are real. But we can choose how real they are. Because whatever we believe is real. Whatever we think about is real. Its our choice.

Thanks for the book recommendation. I’ve become pretty good at being authentic towards people, but it would be interesting to hear Hatcher’s thoughts on that.

@Jerome:

It always “works out”, in the sense that I never expect anything from the girls I meet. I’ve found that expectation is the mother of disappointment, and that frame of mind made me very bitter.

I’m a monogamous serial dater right now. I intend to meet an amazing girl with whom I can have a truly soulful relationship, but for various reasons, either mine, hers, or both, that hasn’t happened yet, including that particular girl from the park. :)

In my experience, a lot of people seem to choose to get into relationships because they don’t want to be alone, rather than because they’ve found someone who truly amplifies their feeling of being alive.

@Someone:

My interpretation of PoN is that setting goals and living in the present are not mutually exclusive. Setting goals is a great way to increase your adventure quotient, as long as you don’t lose yourself in the ego while pursuing them.

Even the past and the future are useful mental constructs: the past is our knowledge base and the future is the unfolding of our intentions. But they are only mental constructs, rather than something to ruminate over day after day.

Great comments all!

I really like your articles. Especially the ones that don’t just focus on getting girls, etc. This article here is an excellent one. But maybe it’s because I’m somewhat biased since I’m reading The Power Of Now too right now.

But I’m curious about your dating successes anyway. So you meet a lot of girls but it doesn’t really work with one of them over the long run?

For example, you write you got the phone numbers from the girls at the park and then? What happened? Why didn’t it work out?

Anyway I’m just curious :)

I think your on the right spiritual way and calling ancient philosophers reality hackers was awesome!

Have a nice day,

Jerome