Any website that allows people to communicate with each other is a dating website. While it may serve other primary functions, and may even include a signup notice indicating that the site is not meant for that purpose, it all comes down to screwing. In fact, I’ll know 30 sleeps has “made it” when members start hooking up with each other.

While you may never have used a “real” dating website, you’re probably already a member of several sites that ostensibly fill other needs. For a period of a few years, I met women almost exclusively through online dating. During this time I probably sent a couple hundred virtual “smiles”, received a couple dozen responses, dated about a dozen women, and had long(ish)-term relationships with perhaps three or four.

Since almost every Internet user is related to online dating in some way, having either considered doing it, or already given it a whirl, I’d like to talk a bit about the slings and arrows of keyboard seduction.

Advantages of Online Dating

Markus Frind, founder of the free online dating site PlentyOfFish.com is the highest earning Google Adsense publisher, pulling in $300,000/month. As of September 2006, PoF was reportedly receiving up to 500 million page views per month.

People obviously love looking for romance online. Here’s what I liked about it:

• Pimp your personality. Online dating is great for “outgoing introverts”. If you lead an interesting life but are a little shy around strangers, it can be a lot easier to get to know someone mouse-to-mouse.
• High success rate. Of the women I met in person, my success rate was probably 90%. I attribute this to usually spending a week or two chatting online (and sometimes on the phone) with them before meeting, and including in my profile a photo that actually looked like me, instead of being misleading. I’ve heard horror stories of people meeting someone who looked totally different from the picture in their profile, because the photo was a couple decades old.
• Subvert approach anxiety. Approach anxiety is the mother of sexual frustration. If you’re an involuntary virgin over the age of 18, it’s likely because you’re choosing to succumb to the fear of talking to strangers. Meeting women online gave me the false courage to talk to absolutely any hot girl with no fear.
• Easier to handle rejection. Getting rejected online usually just means not getting a response when you signal your virtual interest. Even if the fallout occurs after you start chatting, you can always tell yourself that she doesn’t even know you. Either scenario pales in comparison to approaching a girl in real life and getting looked at like an alien from another planet (at least, until you get used to it).
• Meet people before you travel. If you’re planning a trip or moving to another city, you can make virtual connections before you get there. I did this before backpacking through Europe several years ago, and it seriously spiced up the adventure.
• Sooth the language barrier. I live in Montreal. Before I became fluent in French, I found getting to know a French-speaking girl online much easier than in a loud nightclub.

Disadvantages of Online Dating

For a while I thought meeting women online was great. By having the non-courage to send smiles to even the hottest online princesses, experience informed me as to just how high a standard I could live up to. I literally did things I didn’t realize were possible.

But the system had flaws. Here’s what broke me down:

• The online scene. It’s not uncommon for the person you’re chatting up online to be chatting up several other people at the same time. If you meet someone and get serious, there’s this urge to check when they were last online. But the mere act of checking this throws the what-were-you-doing-on-the-site question right back at you. The whole online thing can take on a life of its own.
• Stunted social skills. While subverting approach anxiety is handy to a point, life is infinitely better when you choose to stop being a victim of social conditioning and make yourself vulnerable by talking to strangers.
• Coming up with “the story”. This wouldn’t bother me at all anymore, but when I was involved in online dating, I was absolutely mortified of anyone knowing that I met a girl on the Internet. When I would start dating a girl, one of the first orders of business was agreeing upon an explanation for how we met.
• Yet another distraction. Polling, the act of constantly checking dating sites to see if you’ve got new messages, is an energy vampire.
• More time spent in the Great Indoors. Personally, I already spend 8-12 hours a day in front of a computer, so I don’t like spending my after hours flirting in cyberspace.
• Not dangerous enough. Taking the risk of getting out of your house and meeting people is pee-your-pants scary. That’s exactly why it’s so fun. As Helen Keller said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”

Misconceptions

A lot of people are quick to dismiss meeting someone on the Internet. And while I ultimately scrapped the idea myself, it was for none of the following reasons:

• “People you meet online are weird.” While I’ve heard many women report being virtually harassed by creepy guys online, my experience with online beauties is that they’re no weirder than women I meet in real life. I mean that in a good way. Sort of.
• “There are no quality men/women online.” If there’s one thing I can’t complain about, it’s the quality of the women I met online. I never understood why many amazingly beautiful women bother going digital, but they do.
• “Online dating is more efficient than meeting people in real life.” If you’ve ever done any social skydiving, you know this just isn’t true. In a single night of dedicated socializing, you can meet a dozen women without even breaking a sweat. And you’ll quickly figure out if you’re meant for each other, instead of sinking days, weeks, or even months into your potential love interest on MSN.
• “Cybersex is disgusting!” Well, actually, this isn’t a myth.

Online dating isn’t for everyone, but almost everyone is a member of at least a few sites that are used for that purpose, whether they’re meant to be or not. Where there are people talking to each other, there are people meeting each other. You can run from it, but you can’t hide. I think it pays to be open-minded about meeting people through websites, even though I ultimately kicked the habit. It has its plusses and quirks, and there are a lot of untruths floating around about Internet romance, but love is love, whether it starts with a simple hello or a mouse click.

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