Don’t you hate when you’re out at a social gathering and you’re the only person sitting at the table who isn’t part of the conversation? Every time you try to say something you seem to get interrupted or ignored. And the more you try to take part, the more awkward things get. So you stare off into space, pretend to watch the band, or pull out your mobile phone and act like you just got a text message.

Nobody enjoys being a wallflower. No matter how shy or introverted you claim to be, beyond our fragile, wounded egos, we all so badly want to be a part of the conversation, to be paid attention, to have as much fun as everyone else. Sitting on the sidelines is just boring and uncomfortable.

The key to making the transition from wallflower to social adventurer is to develop strong social skills and to go in with the right mindset. Here’s what works for me:

1. Practice social skydiving.

Social skydiving, the art of talking to strangers, is a learnable skill. Through practice, you can go from sexually frustrated to choosing your own adventure, by taking massive action to meet new people.

Social skydiving is the core skill of moving from the social sidelines to center stage. If you go out to social gatherings, but are uncomfortable anywhere but in your tiny little bubble of friends, those fake text message moments are virtually guaranteed.

2. Go out with one goal: Mind-Blowing Adventure.

When you go out, make it your goal to amuse yourself by exchanging energy with people. This is the state of mind from which your entire social experience will flow.

Instead of “hanging out”, treat your social time as an intense form of play. While it may sound a little silly to aim for “mind-blowing adventure”–frankly, most of your social outings will not hit that mark–this will give you the right attitude in deciding where you focus your attention.

3. Have a Plan B.

The situations in which you hold the least power are the ones which you are unprepared to walk away from. If your only choices are to keep dragging yourself through boring beer babble or go home and channel-surf for some late-night softcore, the former almost seems like a good idea.

I like to have at least one backup plan when I go out. One of my favourite Plan B’s involves some solo social skydiving at a specific nightclub whose crowd I really enjoy, because I know the amount of fun I’m going to have will be limited only by how much I interact with people. And when you go to a venue on your own, interacting with others becomes the path of least resistance.

4. Instead of thinking acceptance, think entertainment value.

Having a great social life requires setting high standards. It means respecting yourself enough to know that you deserve to have fun every time you go out.

We all have a social polarity. No matter what you do, some people will get along with you and some won’t. The more authentic you are, the stronger your social polarity, and the stronger you’ll resonate with people who belong in your life while avoiding those who don’t.

Striving for acceptance is torture. It turns you into an energy vampire and only further annoys people who already weren’t that interested in you. Instead of seeking others’ approval, become the CEO of your own social life. Invest your attention into only those people, places, and things that amplify your energy and show you a good time.

5. Expect the full attention of the person you’re talking to.

If you demonstrate that your attention comes cheaply, people will treat you accordingly.

Don’t engage people that aren’t completely tuned in. If you’re talking to someone, guy or girl, and they’re looking around the room, or someone comes up to them and they turn and completely shut you out, don’t stand there waiting for the privilege of being spoken to again. There are likely many other people begging for somebody to talk to them, so take a quick look around and dive into something new.

If I’m talking to someone who’s looking around while I’m talking to them, and obviously not invested in the interaction, I’ll often just turn around and talk to someone else, without warning.

6. Don’t settle for interruption.

This one’s pretty obvious, but I see it happen all the time and people do nothing about it, and let their fun go to waste.

Here’s the scenario: You just started having a conversation with a cute girl. But you’re talking slightly across the table to each other and there are people sitting in between you. Suddenly the people in between start talking. And talking. And talking. Your conversation is interrupted, dead, and now your eyes dart from one speaker to another, like you’re watching a verbal tennis match, poorly pretending to give a shit. All you’re really thinking is “@%*@$! I was just getting to know her!”

In this case, take the initiative. Either ask the person in between you to change seats or take a seat nearer the person you were talking to. Don’t choose to let a good interaction go to waste. The other person will probably be too shy to make the same move.

7. Talk to strangers.

If you’re finding it hard to amuse yourself among your friends on this occasion, then shine your spotlight somewhere else. Put those social skydiving skills you’ve been working on to good use. Take a walk around the venue and see if there are any other interesting people to roll with.

I’ve had it happen at least half a dozen times that I go out somewhere with one or more friends and, bored with the usual “Wow, check that one out!” spectating, I end up wandering around the venue, doing my own thing, and completely lose track of the people I arrived with.

8. Change venues.

If you still can’t find a way to amuse yourself, then cut your losses, eject, and go with Plan B.

Last Friday night, for example, I was out at a friend’s birthday party. I caught up with some buddies I hadn’t seen in a while but was slow mixing in with the rest of the crowd. Shyness is a choice, so I blame only myself for holding back. Either way, I just wasn’t getting into it and wanted to shake things up. So with a few hours left in the evening, I waved goodbye, hopped in a cab, and headed to a nightclub that I know has good music and a fun crowd on Friday nights.

Within about three minutes of arriving I got approached by a girl on the dance floor. We talked and danced for a bit, and a few minutes later she introduced me to her friend. A couple minutes later, I was sitting at their table. In the span of a half-hour total, I went from not really feeling it at one party, to having an awesome time somewhere else.

The key to avoiding boring, awkward social situations is to get used to talking to people you don’t know, to focus on creating your own fun, and to respect yourself enough to know that you deserve a mind-blowing adventure. Instead of trying to fit in with the crowd, go with the flow, don’t try to force conversation, and let your curiosity lead you to where the action’s at.