There are better things in life than alcohol, but alcohol makes up for not having them.
– Terry Pratchett
My maternal grandparents were both alcoholics. It’s for this reason that I can’t remember my grandpa’s funeral: I was only four. This is also why my grandma has meticulously avoided alcohol for over 20 years. If there’s anything to the rumours about alcoholism being influenced by heredity, I’m probably tagged.
My own consumption patterns change. Sometimes I’ll go through periods of several months having three or four drinks, three to five times a week. Sometimes I’ll restrict my consumption to social occasions. For about five months starting last December, in my quest to master the art of talking to strangers, my social life became two full-time jobs. I was constantly going out to social events, clubs, bars, museum parties, and everything in between. Despite temptation, I rarely drank.
Last month, I quit drinking alcohol again. I’d like to tell you that it was a struggle. I’d like to pretend that it’s almost impossible to stay sober at a social occasion where everyone else is burping bubbles. I’d like to imagine myself as more determined and disciplined than all the rest, and that’s what pulled me through.
But the truth is that I’m ruthlessly normal. And if you want to end your relationship with alcohol, right here, right now, It’s Not That Hard.
I’m guessing that most people who choose to quit drinking are not alcoholics. My intent is to offer here an action plan that anyone can apply, whether you’re nursing an addiction or just want to enjoy the benefits of uninterrupted sobriety.
Why Stop Drinking?
The long-term effects of bad habits are rarely sufficient to motivate people to change their lives. The near-term benefits of giving up alcohol are much more useful and interesting anyway. Here are the changes I experienced:
- Productive socializing. Talking to strangers is a great way to build character, but its benefits are greatly reduced when you’re drunk. The alcohol represses much of the social anxiety, which inhibits lasting change. But the only thing more terrifyingly fun than getting drunk and meeting a bunch of new people is staying sober and meeting a bunch of new people.
- Avoid the McPilgrimage. Clearly, there’s a conspiracy between the fast food industry and the liquor industry. Free will collapses under the weight of insobriety and convenience. With enough alcohol in your system, even the most wretched burger joint becomes an irresistible sanctuary.
- Reclaim lost time. Let’s say you have a few drinks around the house, three times a week, and that light touch of drunkenness costs you three hours of productive thinking each time. Within one year, you’ll have shaved about one full month off your life. That’s a lot of lost CPU time that could have been put towards reading a book, writing a speech, playing a sport, or even starting a business. And this doesn’t even count the time lost waiting for your brain to resolidify the morning after a night on the town.
- Get rich quickly. You don’t have to party that hard to spend $100-$150/week or more on alcohol and related expenses. If you quit drinking today, you could reasonably expect to convert that choice into a bankroll for backpacking around the world in about six months.
- Become an early riser. I’m currently readjusting my sleep schedule to wake up at 5:30 AM, seven days a week. Alcohol, and the lifestyle that often accompanies it, work against this process. Alcohol makes me feel tired when I want to feel energetic and awake. Ironically, it also increases wakefulness during sleep.
You can probably think of other instantly gratifying benefits to life beyond the bottle. The important thing is to actually have a reason that is important enough to you.
Make It Priority Number One
Giving up alcohol is one of the easiest and hardest changes you can make in your life.
It’s easy once you’ve established the right rules, configured your environment to support you, and set up useful boundaries of pain and pleasure to help direct you towards your goal. The hard parts are the social implications and fighting off the One Man Army that is your ego, with its barrage of self-limiting beliefs and drink requests.
Giving up alcohol must be made priority number one in your life. A partial commitment is a commitment to failure. Even if you already don’t drink that often, it will be tempting to break your own rules when your friends call you up and invite you out. You’ve got to be willing to prioritize this decision in every situation where it’s relevant, even when that means Just Saying No to pub night.
It’s Not a Big Deal
Ever notice how some people act as though the end of their relationship is the end of the world? It’s as if there’s no point in living if they can’t be with that person any longer. Yet other people come along and date that person who left them, eventually break up with them, and see it as hardly more than a blip on the radar.
You may feel that it’s pretty easy to give up drinking. Or you may feel that it’s an addiction with a stranglehold on your life. Either way, there is no inherent magnitude to this task. It’s as big or as small as you make it.
No matter how much you want to tell yourself how hard it is, nobody’s ever going to claim that learned helplessness was the secret to their success. The most effective way forward is to not only make quitting drinking a top priority, but to think, talk, and act like it can be done.
Become the Impartial Spectator
Whether you view it as a spiritual separation, or merely conceptual, we all have more than one self. There’s the “Mmmmm…beeeer…” self, and the impartial spectator that can detach from and observe this desire.
Let the latter voice be your authority. You’re allowed to want a drink as much as you’re allowed to choose not to have one. There’s tremendous power in observing your thoughts as a third party. The impartial spectator can feel the heat without getting burned.
When in doubt, let it be there. No matter how bad the storm seems, it will pass.
Commit to 30 Days
If you’ve never done it before, it can be hard to think of giving up drinking forever. It’s discouraging to commit to permanent change, only to back out a few days or weeks into it. Some people will face social friction and lifestyle changes for which they’re unprepared.
But life is a laboratory. It’s an adventure that takes shape through hypothesis and experimentation, and most decisions can be reverted. When it comes to making big changes like this, live before you leap. Promise yourself that you will commit to this 100%, but only for 30 days, and see how it goes.
This is exactly what I did last month. I promised myself that November would be alcohol-free, and it was. Truth be told, I had a few drinks on day 31. But I broke the negative pattern that was creeping up on me and gained back the energy to spend on more important activities. And I’ve repeatedly proven to myself that I can give up alcohol whenever I feel like, whenever it seems like the right thing to do.
Dump Your Existing Stash
Any goal that’s important to you is important enough to start on right now. My 30-day challenge to give up alcohol started at about 3:00 AM on a Saturday morning. I had just gotten back from a post-nightclub McPilgrimage with some friends. I had a great time. I met lots of people. I even ended up dating a girl I met that night.
But I was really annoyed by how much I’d poured into me that night, at succumbing to the resulting Big Mac temptation, and at how much I was going to regret the hangover. As soon as I got home, the challenge was on. I had one last beer in my fridge, which I ceremoniously poured down the kitchen sink.
If you’re serious about doing this, get rid of your alcohol. If you’ve got $300 worth of spirits in your cabinet and you’re not yet sure if you want to empty it all down the drain, only to change your mind in 30 days, then store it at a friend’s place during your probation period. Preferably a friend that doesn’t drink.
Advertise Your Decision
I told most of my friends about what I was doing. Not only only does this add accountability to your goal, it also drops the hint that if your friends are planning on going out and getting wasted, you’re probably not interested.
Of course, you don’t have to avoid social situations where you’ll be the only one not drinking. I’ve gone out stone sober many times–even on my own–and met loads of people. Once you get used to social skydiving, you no longer need alcohol’s permission to talk to strangers and have a good time. You can get to that place by either getting hammered out of your face, or by learning to just not care what other people think. Frankly, the latter is way more fun.
Fire Your Drinking Buddies
Alcohol may be so tightly integrated into your social life that it seems almost impossible to go an entire weekend without drinking. If the only thing you have in common with your friends is that you like the same lagers, you might want to consider finding new friends.
I’ve let go of people in my social circle before and I know it’s not easy–but that doesn’t make it unnecessary. This might be the hardest thing you do in choosing a life without alcohol. The key is to remember that friends are an abundant resource. Having a strong social circle is purely a function of the effort you invest into it. That includes choosing to associate only with people who are aligned with your purpose, while avoiding the energy vampires.
This is another benefit of a 30-day commitment. Instead of permanently downsizing your social life, you can choose to be busy only for the next few weeks. Observe how it affects you when you stop spending time with your beer buddies. Join a local user group for something you’re interested in to bring yourself into contact with people with whom you share more than just a bar tab.
Bribe Yourself
I haven’t used this specific technique for giving up alcohol, but I have used it with much success in bulldozing my way through a wall of social anxiety.
Associate massive pain to backing out. To create that pain, visit your nearest bank machine. Withdraw an amount of money that you’d feel uncomfortable losing. Give it to a friend you trust. Tell them that you get your money back if, and only if, you don’t have a drop of alcohol until your 30 days are up. You’ll be surprised at how even the most difficult tasks become doable when you associate massive pain to breaking your own rules. Money can be a great way to make it hurt. If you can think of an even better form of self-bribery, go for it.
The stronger you feel that alcohol is a part of your life, the more of these techniques you may want to apply. My most recent alcohol-free challenge didn’t require bribery or letting go of any friends. But I did find it extremely useful to limit the challenge to 30 days, to give myself permission to live the lifestyle before leaping to a permanent decision.
I also think that making this a top priority is key, no matter what your current consumption habits. It’s so easy to let yourself slip for just one night, and then feel guilty about breaching your own contract later on.
Brad,
This is a brilliant post giving some clearly laid down reasons for giving up alcohol and some great steps on how to actually do this.
I am similar because I found I was drinking too much alcohol on social occasions and ending up losing a lot of the next day. It got to me questioning why I was actually drinking. When I threw up on a bus and had some other unfortuntate experiences, I realised enough was enough.
So, one day I decided to stop and I have never looked back. I go out more now than I used to but not drinking is never an issue. I love the feeling of going out and being crystal clear plus having the whole of the next day free for me!
I have now created a course to help others do the same. I interviewed several therapists who regularly treat people who have alcohol problems and these involve concepts from both traditional and modern approches to overcoming alcohol problems without sacrificing your social life.
Please visit the site here:
http://www.alcoholfreesociallife.com/
I also have a blog on the site which will hopefully be of a lot of benefit to people too.
http://www.alcoholfreesociallife.com/blog/
Thanks,
Rahul
just to say, I’m 5 days in and feeling crappy!
I dont know if this will help anyone, but 2 of my mates (who are not alcoholics, but enjoy a social drink a couple of times a week) are staying off with me, i realise that it is easy for them, but its really helping me so far, knowing that i can have a sober evening (or day) wwith them and they wont get the wine out.
keep going everyone who’s quitting
best of luck and all my good wishes
Jo
xx
Dear All
I’m 36 and have been drinking for 10 years+ now. Knocked spirits on the head a few years ago. But have been sliping fuurther and further into the abyss – started keeping it within recommended limits a week, with a couple of days off – and for some years since then half a bottle red wine a night 2/3/4 times a week… creeping up recently to a drink most days and nearly a bottle sometimes.
Managed to keep it quiet most of the time – hiding booze, or kidding myself that it was OK to have a bottle open whilst cooking dinner…
I’m a slim female and guess I just can’t take that level. My skin looks awful, I’ve been tired and feeling useless. The I started arguing with good friends after a boozing. Next thing I knew -and I’ve no idea of there is ny connection- but I had something called ‘Erythema Multiforme’ come up all over my hands and feet.(It’s a horrid rash of lesions shaped like targets) Doctors don’t understand much about what causes it in many cases, but it’s possible lack of healthy eating and too much booze has run me down. The Erythema went but it panicked me. I have been destroying my body and mind.
The thing that I am holding in my mind – I have two sons and I want to be alive with them.
My eldest son – who’s 15 -recently said ‘mum, you drink way too much – you’re going to die a really awful death’ – he was really, really worried. I can’t do that to them. When I think back to all the events that are a blur – I’ve lost memories of times with them. What he said really shook me up.
Now on day 10 dry. Been through the headaches, nausea, shaking. Just had liver function tests that came back clear, thankfully – got the results yesterday.
I gathered the courage to turn up at my doctor’s surgery. He made a note so that whatever I go there for it could be mentioned to me (in case I start heavily again and am too ashamed to say this to him)
Doc said it’s inevitable that I would have done some damage to my body but to catch it now I could reverse it. He offered Diazapan but I turned it down -I want to do this without a ‘crutch’to lean on.
When I think about it, it’s a culture -professional friends with children who all meet at each others’ homes – and share vast quantities of booze. It’s gonna be hard to keep out of this. Our lives were revolving around booze -how sad to let it take control.
I’m glad I saw this site -and the suggestion of 30 days probation. What I would like is the willpower to be sensible – stay off for the 30 days – then be able to completely STOP all drinking at home alone, and restrict drinks with friends to max three glasses of wine , maybe once a week. That would almost feel like more willpower than if I just ‘ban’ myself completely.
But who knows if I will be able to control it.
So – find something you want to live for and hold that in your mind. It’s my children for me. And walk in the park or the woods -sober -spend time with loved ones and create those memories that will stay with you forever.
Good luck to everyone
J
I can drink or not drink, I’m not dependent on alcohol. I enjoy drinking and have no problem drinking a beer or two with dinner, for example.
The problem is when I “go out” I don’t stop drinking. Every time I go to the bar or club or a party, I get completely inebriated and then spend the next day wondering and worrying about how I embarrassed myself the night before (I drink so much I black out, so I never remember).
That sucks. It’s not easy to admit but I have slowly come to terms with the fact that every serious regret and most of the awkwardness in my life over the last five or more years is a direct result of alcohol abuse. On the flipside, I realize that without alcohol, I’m a decent person.
I’m giving it 30 days with no alcohol. Since I can enjoy it responsibly in some situations, after my 30 days are up I’m going to limit my drinking to those situations – I actually think this will be harder than just not drinking at all. Drinking is a popular pastime in my family as well, which will make get-togethers tough.
Be honest with yourself about your drinking, even if you’re not strictly an “alcoholic” in the traditional mold. There are all sorts of ways in which alcohol can screw up your life.
Good luck, save your booze money and buy yourself something nice or donate it to a charity or something.
Thank you all for your collection of stories, ideas, and suggestions. I’m not sure my comment and story can help anyone except to make known that you are not alone. I am 47 and have been drinking beer for 15 years. I started with one 32 oz beer per day. I would never keep anything in the house, but would go to the store every day and buy my bottle. Then it became a six pack. It really has been OK over a long period of time, but I noticed that over that time I began to stock up my ‘fridge and six wasn’t good enough anymore. I quite the homebody so that means I drink alone. Does any of you have the idea to call folks when they are drinking? You guessed it-so do I. Last week I did this and the next day I had to think really hard to remember if I had embarassed myself in any way. I do not recommend this. Any way now I’m up to 8 beers a day-every day. On the weekends I don’t even wait until a reasonable hour to start-so 9:30-10:00 A.M. away I go. This makes me finish early 2:00-3:00 P.M. and then theres nothing left to do (watch TV or DVD’s while drinking) I eat and then go to bed. I haven’t let my drinking interfere with my work, but I tell you Toby is one dull boy! I will want to finish my movie so as I’m watching 9,10,11. I did this the other night and I started to feel sick and started to sweat. I had wondered before, but this is when I thought I have a problem. I tried to go the next day without but couldn’t. I’m the type of guy who needs to think a matter (especially like this) though very carefully before taking action, which is why I have reading this sight. I am finding that my drinking habit is progressive, that I am a functioning habitual drinker, perhaps an alcoholic, but I am tired of sitting in that chair watching my movie, sipping my suds and waiting to die. I have thought of many neat incentives to quit; losing weight, saving money, living life instead of watching it pass me by, health. Many of the same things that you all brought to this forum. I will continue to surf the blogesphere, but at some point will have to take action-I hope very soon.
T
Toby Won, you are describing just the begining of where it goes. i relate to everything you described except i have taken drinking even further and for longer. i’m looking at this site for the same reason and i still haven’t quit drinking for very long. so i guess i’m just typing here in vane, but letting know there really is an epidemic here.
Hi all,
Thanks for sharing your personal stories about your relationship with alcohol. I too am concerned about my drinking. My drinking buddy (husband) lives with me and together we talk about quitting and how it will help lose weight and save money, but it’s all blah blah because one of us is always weak. I am determined that it will not be me this time.
I know for me understanding what’s happening helps me cope better so for those who find they are drinking more and not sleeping when abstaining here is what I have read.
Tolerance to alcohol builds when you are a habitual drinker so you need more alcohol to have the same effect. For me, a 60kg female, 4 large glasses of wine leaves me feeling quite normal. Until your liver is eventually damaged by alcohol (or other) those who develop tolerance can remove alcohol from their bodies faster. Also brain chemicals are increased to cope with the alcohol’s depressive action on the brain’s cells. It is this increase in brain chemicals from habitual alcohol that makes it hard to sleep when you stop because they are used to having to work harder to just function normally.
We had agreed to stay sobre until Friday, but I gather from what I have read here that it is only enough time to suffer withdrawals and not gain much benefit.
Good luck to you all.
Hi all,
Well, today is my 31st birthday and time for a reality check.
My finance and I went out for my b-day dinner on Saturday night – and like many times before – I get to a certain point where I just snap. He becomes my verbal punching bag and I just let him have it. For hours and hours too. And I can tell you, the things I said are devastating and it just breaks his heart. Then, I woke up on Sunday morning and asked him not to be concerned about it…. I have no problem with us/you/the relationship… it’s just the alcohol talking. Don’t worry about it.
And the worst thing, he had an amazing day planned for my birthday but I was too hungover and he was too heartbroken to go.
How the hell does this happen? When do you wake up on day and say I have a problem now. And how the hell did I get here? I remember asking about 5-6 years ago can someone become an acholic by accident? Because I don’t feel there is anything that led me to drink. Just an excessive social lifestyle. And now I can’t get by without it. Even one glass of wine – doesn’t always have to be a bottle (which I do easily, and don’t even get drunk).
Wow. Wake up on your 31st birthday and realise you’re an alcoholic. What a sobering thought.
I never thought I’d ever have trouble with drinking, but lo and behold, I find myself typing this comment and confessing that my drinking is a problem. The bottle seduced me to believe it was a good friend .. and it would always be there anytime I was feeling stressed, or down, or lonely. Needless to say, I bought the toxic lie and am now trying to regain control over what I ingest into my body. I’ve only been sober a few short days now and want to keep it that way. I like me and frankly, drinking robs me of my nice personality. I like the above post it’s good advice for us all.
Kristina :-)
After years of drinking since I was 17, abusing alcohol, having so many black outs, waking up with girls I didnt know, shattering the trust of the only girl I ever loved and left me. I nearly drank myself to death a few times after I felt tremendous loss. However I knew I had to change, I read and read, educated myself in areas I needed to improve on, and one book leads to another, better than one DRINK leads to ANOTHER, right? I then put myself through so much, I figured if I put myself through such times of sickness, hangovers, shame, guilt, damaging my relationships, then I can put myself through the times of going out and feeling the anxiety of not having drink to depend on. Trust me, the more you repeat it and stay disciplined, the more you start to change and the longer you do this, the less inclined you will want to let yourself down. There will be many tests, people projecting there guilt onto you by attempting to make you feel inferior and inadequate. But if you educated yourself well enough, you will already by prepared for this, and you will feel an inner strength that feels like no one will be able to get to you and break you down, now you know you are transforming from insecure to SECURE. Ok, watch them manipulate themselves to having more drink, deluding themselves with all the sayings that have gone before them. Remember the only reason that they drink alcohol is TO CHANGE THE WAY THEY FEEL ! otherwise if they were thirsty, they would drink water, but they drink because of their own low moods, their own unexpressed feelings, and that is why they project. It would be easy for me to say… I only live once, why not? but at least I know how my mornings are going to feel… I wake up and think of those friends who were trying to make me feel inadequate, and wait for their phone calls, all trying to find out what went off last night? and hear them going through the torture of guilt, guilt that comes from not remembering what they are guilty about, and that is their PAIN now.
by the way, I also paid of my mortgages fully, I have 3 houses now fully paid and at the age off 33, it gives great pleasure to live mortgage free, and drink free at the same time, now that feels good, better than any drink can do, at least I feel a natural high, it is cheaper, healthier and easier, and I can drive home with this natural high too. My philosiphy is, that the only reason people drink is to CHANGE THE WAY THEY FEEL…. why else?
Hi guys,
I’m 37 and have been a drinker since I was 18, from a family of big drinkers.
I was fine until January last year having just got married a few weeks before, when I exploded at my new wife for something petty after about 4 wines. Not physically but very verbally.
We put it behind us until I did the same in October and she told me I had to do something about my problem. We both let it go yet again but four weeks ago I let loose again only this time I pinned her up against a wall in the kitchen. She told me it was seek help or she would leave and take our 4 month old daughter too. I went to sessions with her for advice and decided to try limiting to two drinks a day with two free days a week but I have just been cheating the system all along as all idiots like me do. Two nights ago I lost my temper yet again. I didn’t do anything but shout however we have a session tomorrow when my wife tells me she is laying down the law, it’s quit totally or she is gone.
I don’t want to lose her so I have no choice, and I know that, and understand that, but I am being honest when I say that the thought of giving up totally depresses me as I love a glass of red with a steak etc. and I keep thinking that knowing me i will end up sneaking a few when she is away and I when I know I won’t get caught etc. I’d like to turn to you all for support because my friends are drinkers. How will I stop cheating when no one is around to stop me ?
Hi Mitch, from hearing your comments, It appears that are blaming the drink for your beheaviours? My advice after giving up for 2 years is get to the root causes of your problems, and not to blame drink for the behaviour, the drink will bring them out because that is simply what it allows you to do. Once you start working on yourself, see what you are angry about, maybe there was some domestic violence in your family? a rejection you once suffered? abondonment? and see if you have not fully greived these through the process of denial. You are allowed to grive things in the past, talk about them with your wife, she will be most glad to help, and dont worry about her getting power over you or seeing you as weak, Women are great at this, and it could be just what you need to do. Once you do this (and yes it will take some time) you will see that you dont need to be afraid to share your feelings, it will improve the R-ship, and you will be healing yourself of possible traumas experienced in the past. Once you get underway with this, you will find that the drinking wont be the untimate problem and you may even have a wine with your stake, with a woman who you can trust and love more. Work on yourself, be kinder to yourself, do this bit of work, you will find you will bloom with good nature again.
Hi Mark,
I’m going to explore this, thanks.
I will get back to you on here as maybe that’s the solution and I’m looking in the wrong place… maybe. I’ll talk to my wife, she is a good listener, and I am prepared to give up drinking whilst I explore this, as if it allows me a romantic night out with a glass of wine together in the future, then what a reward !
Thanks again, I will discuss it with her.
thats a good step Mitch, it is up to you if you want to give it up whilst exploring, maybe just concentrate on discovering why you have these outbursts could be more productive for growth, and again talk about them, dont be afraid of being judged, just talk it out, it will confuse you at first, but once you start, a new hour, a new day, will bring more thoughts and eventually you will begin to make sense of your feelings. Only by understanding them (with a clear mind, not drunken states) will you start to feel better. I found that keeping a private journal really helped, writing down your feelings and where in your life have you felt like this before, start thinking of any experiences in the past that felt the same way as you are doing now, that is a good indicater as to where you have not got over things in your past. That is the healing process, once you start to remember, you will be able to talk about them, and the anger, pain, etc, will weaken its hold on you, as you gain control through EMOTIONAL maturity.
What a smart, honest site. I too have battled the alcohol wars. I once stopped for ten years by going to AA—but got bored with the god stuff. Then started working as a travvel writer—and let me tell you it’s the best job in the world if you are an alcoholic. I’m stopping again this week–set a date–and cancelled a few travel writing trips. Alcohol is no joke when it comes to what it can do to you.
hi all , day one of ‘i am gona stop’ its totally psycological isnt it, feel the need to have a drink but i am not! boredom is the reason as i sit and do nothing , gona attend a kickboxing class tuesday and get a life, stop blaming everything but me and everyone else, my life my contro , everyone makes excuses and they hav to take control , i want to be hapy its gona be hard but life is
Everyone,
Further to my previous message, I have just completed a free report called ‘The Effects of Alcohol’
It is a guide explaining exactly what alcohol is doing to your body and mind both in the long and short terms. What it does to your brain, liver, kidneys and psychological state.
You will be pretty shocked when you learn just what kind of a poison alcohol actually is! If I had known this information earlier I might have even given up alcohol even earlier than I did but because of social proof – because everyone else does it, it has to be ok, it took me a lot longer to give up.
Please visit http://www.alcoholfreesociallife.com and look at the top left hand column to get your free copy instantly.
Any questions please do e-mail me at info@alcoholfreesociallife.com
Rahul
Wow.. I am not sure what divine intervnetion brought me to this sight but reading Mitch’s comments was like looking in a mirror. It has been 3 days since I had a drink. The last one had me yelling at the woman I love for no good reason. I layed in bed that night and swore never to go there… again.
So I commited to myself and to her that I would take 30 days off from drinking and then decide what the rest of my life hold for me.
For the record, I am a wine drinker. Considered by many to be very knowledgeable on the topic. My “hobby” got out of hand. a glass or two per night became a bottle per night. An occasional glass of wine at luch became a daily ritual. Now it’s Screwdrivers in the morning. And no end in sight.
But if I am being honest, I think I have had this problem my whole life. Not that I drank too much regularly, but that far too often when I did I drank too much. And of course there is the simple fact that… I have only a handful of things I have done in my life that I truely regret. I mean life changing mistakes…and everyone was while I was drunk. If only I could undo some of those stupid things.
Can anyone tell me why a guy who is otherwise rational, calm and peaceful becomes angry and argumentative and irrational. If it happened everytime I could understand but it seems to be without a pattern. No rhyme or reason. Today I can drink way too much without issue. Tomorrow, the dark side might just appear. Why… I don’t know.
Mitch, I understand where you are and all I can say is just pour your self into the challenge of not drinking and never being abusive again. That is what I am going to do. Wish me luck. I do not want to hurt my wife again.
Hello to all,
I can relate to all of your comments..
but Mitch….
Hello Mitch, wow we could be twins. I do what u do, but I am very verbal about it. I drink and tell her off, accuse her of petty things and just make a total fool out of myself. It’s gotten worst in the past few months. I can’t drink, I don’t know how to drink. My partner often asks me WHY can’t I just have one drink”? and I do not have an answer. Lately I have been drinking everyday. last week I decided instead of sitting around here relaxing with a drink which often turns into 3 or 4 I might as well take my behind to the gym. This week I have not been able to make it back… I feel out of control sometimes. My father was an alcoholic he has been sober and is the president of his AA group for 9 yrs. My stepmom died of cirosis, I should be scared after seeing what she went through. In 2001 I experienced my first black out. Thankfully nothing happened but I started going to AA the next day. I made it to 60 days … I remember my oldest back then was 6 and she kept counting my days.. That summer was the best summer I have ever had. I remember thinking on July 4th of that summer ” this feels good”. I want that again. I am 32, I watch what I eat if only I watched what I drank I would be a lot better off. I have 4 beautiful kids and often I turn to a drink because of the stress of trying to keep a 7 yr relationship together, 4 kids and two are teens. I know exactly why I drink I guess now it’s just stopping. I love my red wine too but I really can’t just have one glass. I sneaked a shot after she went to bed last night. I want to be able to control it but I know first I need to stop. Maybe I don’t need to drink again. I want to be able to talk to someone without being judged but that is hard. I guess that is why I am here.
Tonight I will begin my 30 day. I will NOt have a drink. and maybe I should do what someone else suggested throw out my bottle of rum. My partner drinks but nowhere close to how I drink. She can have a shot and be done for the night. I don’t want to deprive her because I can’t handle it.
I will keep coming back to this site and posting … reading all of your comments I am sure will be helpful.
Thank You
Dee
P.S Devine intervention indeed Dodger….
to Brad Bollenbach In my bag I have the book A NEW EARTH..AMAZING to me to google “quitting drinking” coming to this site, reading all the comments and finding that i am so not alone and seeing the book as a suggestion for helping us with this issue. I also have the power of now. Can not wait to start this book and today Is the day.
kylie I can also feel what you go through. She tells me that i tell her all type of things and the worst thing is I DON’T EVER REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD HER… I feel so embarrased and ashamed.
exhale
today is the day
i didn’t just ’stumble’ on this site. I found it, probably because like many of you i’m looking for answers to my questions. And deep down, i probably already know the answer, at least for now.
Anyway, i sincerely applaud all your honesty and sincerity and wish all of you the best of luck and hope you find whatever it is you may be looking for.
Good Morning….
I got through day 1……..
after i wrote the above blog I called my father and mother. They were both happy for me and will support me 110%. My father wants me to attend AA, but I am not sure just yet… I have mixed feeelings about AA. We will see.
I noticed I did get irritated easier. I snapped a few times…
I kept myself busy with laundry….
I had a few moments of weakness where I said to myself ” one shot is okay, I will be okay with just one… but that was just out of habit… it became a habit to come home have a drink while i cooked dinner… I got rid of the bottles too…
exhale
one day at a time..
thank U
D
Jason good luck to you too….
smile
D
Dee, (and anyone else going through this)
Today is day 7…and of course I am still tempted to have a drink. After all it is friday. I have a regular Friday lunch with my sailing buddies ( by lunch I mean lunch and a couple bottle of wine which often turns into a party friday night) But I will not. I am committed to 30 day alcohol free. Honestly, the last few nights I din’t even think about having a drink ( well not much anyway) It is getting easier.
I quit smoking cigarettes 10 months ago in a similiar way… one day at a time. Haven’t had one since. The key to that and to this is making it a challenge. Are you strong ewnough to go 30 days, or does it have control of your life. Of course you are. In reality, you really only need to go through 1 day, then tomorrow is a new day a new challenge that I promise you will be easier than today.
I have accomplished more creatively this week than I have for years back. I have high energy, I dont take everything so serious and I even laugh at myself a bit. It feels great.
I wish I could have the best of both worlds, but that is a topic for discussion on day 31. For today, its the hardest 7 behind me and 23 more to go.
Dodger
By the way Mitch, I have an ex-wife and three kids. My drinking definately led to my loosing her. My three kids payed the price. Don’t let something like this ruin your daughters life. Divorce, while common today is no picnic for kids.
Anytime you decide you need a drink, go pick her up and hold her and imagine that you won’t see her again until every other weekend. And it that isn’t enough… try imagining her new daddy telling her bedtime stories while you live in an apartment over someones garage ( you wont have enough money after the court get ahold of you )
SO mitch, seriously. Is there really any decision to make here? Hell , you’d probably give up eating to save your daugter from this, wouln’t you?
OHHH Dodger thx for the post…
I was just on my way back from lunch myself which usually was lunch at our fav spot and about 2 glasses of wine 3 if I really wanted to indulge..
but I thought of how great I felt this am. I did not feel bloated or guilty and ofcourse with a headache….
Congrats on your 7 days… and your decision to stick with your 30 days…
my co workers said “this weekend will be a hard one for you”… I agreed…
I have a few soccer games to keep me busy and I will stay strongggggg…
Thx Dodge.. check back in when you have a chance..
I really am looking at this site as a support system… just reeading others stories and days of sobriety are very inspirational for me. I’ll check back later.
Everyone enjoy your evening. Happy memorial Day weekend…
Thank you
Dee
“determined chica in cali”
Ok…I just caught this thread and alot of what ya’ll say hits right at home. Drink wine everyday, usually 2-5 glasses a night. Just recently I’m starting to feel a little hungover, and its starting to feel different when I have that 1st glass. Like its hits me RIGHT away. It’s no longer the glass of wine when I’m ready to slow down. It’s now an entire evening event, till I slow down
Kudos to all trying this. Today will be my 1st of 30.
Stay strong Skye
Ok…now day 2! I’m actually maybe even excited about it! I had MANY thoughts about it yesterday, and played the “mind” games about drinking….only one, it’s not really that bad, everyone has a glass of wine, etc, etc, etc. Then a phone call from a friend, just wanting to have a beer. I didn’t but it made me start playing the games in my head. I woke up this morning, and thought, “you did it”! Its not that its necessary I drink, or can’t function without, it’s a habit that creeped up on me in time. I’m hoping to free myself from that.
All this optimism premature? Probably, but I’ll take it today, over the guilt I’ve been feeling most days lately.
Thx Dee, for saying stay strong…just reading that little blurb really helped, as strange as that sounds.
I wish us ALL luck, and will begin day 2 just a tad stronger, and see where it leads.
Day 4…
excited….optimistic too.. I too asked myself is this feeling premature…
Mine is too out of habit…
bored= drink
good time= drink
party= drink
bar b q= drink
relas= drink
thinking if I just replace the DRINK with something productive I will be just fine.
I figured.. All I know is that I feel good and do not want to drink because I won’t be able to control it. I keep thinking of how it made me feel and that keeps me sober. I ask myself why do you want to drink? and I have found my thoughts again…
felt good to actually be able to drive my son to blockbuster on a Friday night…
STAY STRONG!!