There are better things in life than alcohol, but alcohol makes up for not having them.
– Terry Pratchett
My maternal grandparents were both alcoholics. It’s for this reason that I can’t remember my grandpa’s funeral: I was only four. This is also why my grandma has meticulously avoided alcohol for over 20 years. If there’s anything to the rumours about alcoholism being influenced by heredity, I’m probably tagged.
My own consumption patterns change. Sometimes I’ll go through periods of several months having three or four drinks, three to five times a week. Sometimes I’ll restrict my consumption to social occasions. For about five months starting last December, in my quest to master the art of talking to strangers, my social life became two full-time jobs. I was constantly going out to social events, clubs, bars, museum parties, and everything in between. Despite temptation, I rarely drank.
Last month, I quit drinking alcohol again. I’d like to tell you that it was a struggle. I’d like to pretend that it’s almost impossible to stay sober at a social occasion where everyone else is burping bubbles. I’d like to imagine myself as more determined and disciplined than all the rest, and that’s what pulled me through.
But the truth is that I’m ruthlessly normal. And if you want to end your relationship with alcohol, right here, right now, It’s Not That Hard.
I’m guessing that most people who choose to quit drinking are not alcoholics. My intent is to offer here an action plan that anyone can apply, whether you’re nursing an addiction or just want to enjoy the benefits of uninterrupted sobriety.
Why Stop Drinking?
The long-term effects of bad habits are rarely sufficient to motivate people to change their lives. The near-term benefits of giving up alcohol are much more useful and interesting anyway. Here are the changes I experienced:
- Productive socializing. Talking to strangers is a great way to build character, but its benefits are greatly reduced when you’re drunk. The alcohol represses much of the social anxiety, which inhibits lasting change. But the only thing more terrifyingly fun than getting drunk and meeting a bunch of new people is staying sober and meeting a bunch of new people.
- Avoid the McPilgrimage. Clearly, there’s a conspiracy between the fast food industry and the liquor industry. Free will collapses under the weight of insobriety and convenience. With enough alcohol in your system, even the most wretched burger joint becomes an irresistible sanctuary.
- Reclaim lost time. Let’s say you have a few drinks around the house, three times a week, and that light touch of drunkenness costs you three hours of productive thinking each time. Within one year, you’ll have shaved about one full month off your life. That’s a lot of lost CPU time that could have been put towards reading a book, writing a speech, playing a sport, or even starting a business. And this doesn’t even count the time lost waiting for your brain to resolidify the morning after a night on the town.
- Get rich quickly. You don’t have to party that hard to spend $100-$150/week or more on alcohol and related expenses. If you quit drinking today, you could reasonably expect to convert that choice into a bankroll for backpacking around the world in about six months.
- Become an early riser. I’m currently readjusting my sleep schedule to wake up at 5:30 AM, seven days a week. Alcohol, and the lifestyle that often accompanies it, work against this process. Alcohol makes me feel tired when I want to feel energetic and awake. Ironically, it also increases wakefulness during sleep.
You can probably think of other instantly gratifying benefits to life beyond the bottle. The important thing is to actually have a reason that is important enough to you.
Make It Priority Number One
Giving up alcohol is one of the easiest and hardest changes you can make in your life.
It’s easy once you’ve established the right rules, configured your environment to support you, and set up useful boundaries of pain and pleasure to help direct you towards your goal. The hard parts are the social implications and fighting off the One Man Army that is your ego, with its barrage of self-limiting beliefs and drink requests.
Giving up alcohol must be made priority number one in your life. A partial commitment is a commitment to failure. Even if you already don’t drink that often, it will be tempting to break your own rules when your friends call you up and invite you out. You’ve got to be willing to prioritize this decision in every situation where it’s relevant, even when that means Just Saying No to pub night.
It’s Not a Big Deal
Ever notice how some people act as though the end of their relationship is the end of the world? It’s as if there’s no point in living if they can’t be with that person any longer. Yet other people come along and date that person who left them, eventually break up with them, and see it as hardly more than a blip on the radar.
You may feel that it’s pretty easy to give up drinking. Or you may feel that it’s an addiction with a stranglehold on your life. Either way, there is no inherent magnitude to this task. It’s as big or as small as you make it.
No matter how much you want to tell yourself how hard it is, nobody’s ever going to claim that learned helplessness was the secret to their success. The most effective way forward is to not only make quitting drinking a top priority, but to think, talk, and act like it can be done.
Become the Impartial Spectator
Whether you view it as a spiritual separation, or merely conceptual, we all have more than one self. There’s the “Mmmmm…beeeer…” self, and the impartial spectator that can detach from and observe this desire.
Let the latter voice be your authority. You’re allowed to want a drink as much as you’re allowed to choose not to have one. There’s tremendous power in observing your thoughts as a third party. The impartial spectator can feel the heat without getting burned.
When in doubt, let it be there. No matter how bad the storm seems, it will pass.
Commit to 30 Days
If you’ve never done it before, it can be hard to think of giving up drinking forever. It’s discouraging to commit to permanent change, only to back out a few days or weeks into it. Some people will face social friction and lifestyle changes for which they’re unprepared.
But life is a laboratory. It’s an adventure that takes shape through hypothesis and experimentation, and most decisions can be reverted. When it comes to making big changes like this, live before you leap. Promise yourself that you will commit to this 100%, but only for 30 days, and see how it goes.
This is exactly what I did last month. I promised myself that November would be alcohol-free, and it was. Truth be told, I had a few drinks on day 31. But I broke the negative pattern that was creeping up on me and gained back the energy to spend on more important activities. And I’ve repeatedly proven to myself that I can give up alcohol whenever I feel like, whenever it seems like the right thing to do.
Dump Your Existing Stash
Any goal that’s important to you is important enough to start on right now. My 30-day challenge to give up alcohol started at about 3:00 AM on a Saturday morning. I had just gotten back from a post-nightclub McPilgrimage with some friends. I had a great time. I met lots of people. I even ended up dating a girl I met that night.
But I was really annoyed by how much I’d poured into me that night, at succumbing to the resulting Big Mac temptation, and at how much I was going to regret the hangover. As soon as I got home, the challenge was on. I had one last beer in my fridge, which I ceremoniously poured down the kitchen sink.
If you’re serious about doing this, get rid of your alcohol. If you’ve got $300 worth of spirits in your cabinet and you’re not yet sure if you want to empty it all down the drain, only to change your mind in 30 days, then store it at a friend’s place during your probation period. Preferably a friend that doesn’t drink.
Advertise Your Decision
I told most of my friends about what I was doing. Not only only does this add accountability to your goal, it also drops the hint that if your friends are planning on going out and getting wasted, you’re probably not interested.
Of course, you don’t have to avoid social situations where you’ll be the only one not drinking. I’ve gone out stone sober many times–even on my own–and met loads of people. Once you get used to social skydiving, you no longer need alcohol’s permission to talk to strangers and have a good time. You can get to that place by either getting hammered out of your face, or by learning to just not care what other people think. Frankly, the latter is way more fun.
Fire Your Drinking Buddies
Alcohol may be so tightly integrated into your social life that it seems almost impossible to go an entire weekend without drinking. If the only thing you have in common with your friends is that you like the same lagers, you might want to consider finding new friends.
I’ve let go of people in my social circle before and I know it’s not easy–but that doesn’t make it unnecessary. This might be the hardest thing you do in choosing a life without alcohol. The key is to remember that friends are an abundant resource. Having a strong social circle is purely a function of the effort you invest into it. That includes choosing to associate only with people who are aligned with your purpose, while avoiding the energy vampires.
This is another benefit of a 30-day commitment. Instead of permanently downsizing your social life, you can choose to be busy only for the next few weeks. Observe how it affects you when you stop spending time with your beer buddies. Join a local user group for something you’re interested in to bring yourself into contact with people with whom you share more than just a bar tab.
Bribe Yourself
I haven’t used this specific technique for giving up alcohol, but I have used it with much success in bulldozing my way through a wall of social anxiety.
Associate massive pain to backing out. To create that pain, visit your nearest bank machine. Withdraw an amount of money that you’d feel uncomfortable losing. Give it to a friend you trust. Tell them that you get your money back if, and only if, you don’t have a drop of alcohol until your 30 days are up. You’ll be surprised at how even the most difficult tasks become doable when you associate massive pain to breaking your own rules. Money can be a great way to make it hurt. If you can think of an even better form of self-bribery, go for it.
The stronger you feel that alcohol is a part of your life, the more of these techniques you may want to apply. My most recent alcohol-free challenge didn’t require bribery or letting go of any friends. But I did find it extremely useful to limit the challenge to 30 days, to give myself permission to live the lifestyle before leaping to a permanent decision.
I also think that making this a top priority is key, no matter what your current consumption habits. It’s so easy to let yourself slip for just one night, and then feel guilty about breaching your own contract later on.
Maryg, Key, Elizabeth and others at the threshold of the next step of this human existence; I want to tell you about my threshold experience at 50ish (am now 66) and will share with you when I have more time to write it – I have you in my thoughts and heart and do not for a second think you are selfish – you have been and are caregivers and the well runs dry – the caregivers need care more than those they care fore and who better to care than us experienced caregivers – keep that thought – you deserve it . you are worth it.
STAY love carol xoxoxo
Thanks Lee. I won’t be going out. I have been sleeping well but still feel so tired I want to sleep until the super bowl. I think day 4 is harder than Friday. Also, day 10 because you approach double digits. STAY.
Looking forward to it Carol.
Hi – and thanks for a superb website in general and for all the intersting posts on the forum.
I drank socially throughout adolescence at parties, nights out, dinners – anything social in fact. But over the last three years I have been wanting to make several health changes to diet, and habits. So in this time period, I’ve stopped smoking, started regularly going to the gym and at least consider more analytically what I am eating.
For me drink was always a social prop that made evenings more fun, strangers easier to talk to and became something to look forward to at weekends. My consumption was always slightly higher than the reccomended limit for the week. Last year, I qualified and lived with a group of wonderful friends who all enjoy drinking and partying very much. However , during that year I also decided that I wanted to stop drinking for all sorts of reasons but found it hard to do so in their company. I moved back home recently and far away from these friends and am livig in an environment where it relativley easy to avoid alcohol – I’m enjoying going out, meeting old friends and having activities other than getting wasted in some bar/club. I’m really curious/nervous/excited to see if I will still be successful at chatting up attractive strangers without the effect of Dutch courage on board.
I do have a reservation though that I would like some advice about – my old friends are always asking me to visit and I love them to bits but I’m keen to stay focused as I am on the 2nd week of abstaining and will certainly avoid the situation for now – but what happens later when I see my old friends and they all want to go drinking and partying for old times sake? Is it acceptable to have binges and relapses with old friends or should one stay strong in the resolve to be off alcohol?
Thanks
XXXXX
I think we all just have to learn to say that we gave up drinking and still be able to hang out with real friends, not drinking buddies, but real friends.
Friends are people who like you no matter what. Drinking buddies are those who encourage you to drink, buy you drinks before yours is empty, and light cigarettes for you. Anything to make their problem seem less and to keep you around so they can keep on drinking.
MaryG,
Your post really touched me. I am 54 and stayed in an abusive relationship for far too many years. I had 2 jobs – my day job which was and is a very successful career and my night job which was my kids and all the stuff stay at home moms get to do during the day. My ex for the most part did not work and although he did do some things at home and was with the kids after our nanny moved away, the bulk of it fell to me. Even though I worked full time I was always the one to do the volunteering or driving at my kids schools and even was a girl scout leader for about 8 years.
I used alcohol to self medicate and forget how bad it really was. I never had any time for me – if I was lucky I read the paper about 9:30 at night and not even every day. I have now been divorced for about a year and a half and through a lot of counseling have begin focusing on me and figuring out what I am all about and want to do. Part of that was and is getting off the alcohol. Another part is trying to make it up to my kids for the years I kept them in a bad situation because I could not bring myself to make the right decision and get them out of a bad environment. And lastly, I am now focusing on me by trying to get in shape and find things I like to do such as crafts. I am nowhere done with this transformation but I do know that I am feeling better about myself now that I am starting to take care of me instead of everyone else though like you I still worry and take care of everyone, including my ex.
Anyway, this site is special. Now that you are dealing with your alcohol issues the other issues will start to fall into place and you will make the decisions that are right for you and be a much happier person for it. It is not easy and I am still working on it myself but good things will come!
Take care.
M
I’m sorry Mary but your husband sounds like an ass. Put him in a home and enjoy your mother-in-law’s last years….ok, a little abrupt, but I think there is a huge amount of joy in caring for the elderly.
Hi all, Just want you to know I’m still here, day 34 I think. Hope to get reconnected this weekend. Miss you! Mara
Good Friday afternoon! Superbowl weekend is upon us, including being bombarded with beer commercials. We don’t get the really good ones here in Canada however there is always the internet on Monday! Hope everyone remains true to their decisions in light of this hugely boozy weekend! Remember, it’s just a football game.
MaryG – what a touching heartfelt post! I cannot imagine what you are dealing with but know I could never handle it as well as you are!
Annie – what an awesome post!
Elizabeth – welcome back, yes realizing is the first step!
Key – if you are having doubts, then don’t risk it. You are absolutely correct, real friends don’t care whether we drink or not! Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
Lee – yeah Friday’s were big for me, and most of us. For me, thursday’s would do, and come to think of it all of the other days of the week were not too bad either. hang tough.
KRR – welcome. Read back there is a lot if interesting information here.
DryHeat – glad you are working through things, that’s what it’s all about!
Mara – nice to hear from you. Sometimes we get jittery when people don’t post for a while….!
Have a great weekend! STAY
Hello fellow islanders! Day # 38 and still going strong! Got invited to a girls game night tonight and didn’t go as I knew everyone would be partaking in alcohol! Not up for that challenge quite yet! Instead went with a dear friend and her grandaughter to see Dear John at the movies! Funny how things are so clear to me now…husband said all along that I didn’t have a drinking problem when I myself knew that I did. The reason he is saying that is because he likes to drink and I am thinking every night now as he hangs out downstairs mostly. Funny how, now I notice how he talks differently after he has had a few drinks. Not drunk sounding but his speech is slower and just different. Might have a little problem himself! Whatever, I still love him and will not let him influence me in my decision to not drink. I have enough good friends on board with me now to give me the support that I need. Can anyone else relate to what I am saying?
Hope everyone is staying free of the demon!
Kimie
Lifestyle Change in Process!
Scout – Sorry to read about the loss of your mom. Your post was wonderful talking about some of your memorable moments with her. I am so glad that you enjoyed your mom sober. God Bless you!
George – I know I am late but Congratulations on Day # 30! That is great! I especially liked the long long post you did and inspirational quotes that you received on the island.
Oh what a Godsend you people are to me! I have kept so many thoughts silent within. I dared not express myself fully for the fear of not being liked or even understood by others. Being quiet and shy certainly has its’ disadvantages. You are helping more than you could ever know.
I once mentioned that I had a difficutlt childhood, and an abusive first marriage of 20 years. Broken bones etc., was commonplace as well as the emotional/mental/financial abuse throughout those 20 years. I left with our 3 boys and began life anew in a shelter until I was able to secure a home for us. I worked 12 hour days, 6-7 days a week as I did not receive any financial support from him. I had no interest into putting time or effort into another relationship. I met John 3 years later and we’ve been together 9 years (almost 3 yrs. married). When my last child left the nest, we moved in together and married. So yes, Dryheat we are also of a similar background. I didn’t drink in that marriage and actually began only a few years ago. But boy did I learn fast!!!
John is good to me. He treats me with respect, kindness and love always. But the disrespect towards his own mother is heartbreaking to see. And the sad thing is, he says that she was a wonderful mother to him growing up. I’ve decided today that I’m going to try to keep her with us and see if John could speak to a geriatric specialist to understand his mother better. I hope this helps because my words aren’t penetrating…
Annie your words touched me deeply. I printed them out and I would feel so privilged if you could send me the entire text. I not only want but need to read the words left undone. If possible could you forward them to me. If you prefer my email address is: marysee@rogers.com
At 49 and almost 50, it is like knowing you are on the cusp of something, but you’re not entirely sure what that something is. I would be interested to hear more of what Carol has to say regarding this subject. I too want to age with “grace, poise and dignity”, Annie. It’s interesting to note that I am not alone. I have good company including Key and Elizabeth too.
I never realized how many true heroes, I would discover and meet on this journey to real soberity. Every day, I meet another special and unique person here on our island. What a joy to find you all! I truly consider myself blessed by God to have discovered this safe haven.
Love always,
Mary
George-Congrats on 30 days. Thanks for the tribute. We really have some incredibly loving, caring and honest people on the Island.
I was called away for two days on my week off. The first quarter of the year is always busy for me.
I will post more this weekend.
Love,
Peppermint
I know that I want to stop drinking but life is just so busy and I medicate with alchohol. I’m so glad I found this site. I intend to start the 30 day challange and keep logging in for the support and inspiration this site offers. Hopefully I will be able to offer this in turn. Thanks to you all for sharing and making me feel less alone.
Welcome Boots!
Kimie:: Way to Stay on your 38 days and certainly hope your hub will eventually come around with all the support you deserve.
…Welcome Boots (your just in time)
Johan:: rrRat:: you know that island express service you guys recommended? Damn the west side airdrop only just arrived and there’s a glitch. I requested a 30 ft. projection screen and all they sent is a frick’n first generation 3 ft. LCD. And the case of fresh avocados Pep ordered with the shipment? Nope. Just one big Tub ‘O Guac! But hey, we’ve got the chips, island N/A drinks are free come game time and (as always) all the mangos and coconuts we can eat!
…well the cream seems to have risen and I’m finally ready for some football. Plus looking forward to the Who at halftime too, although not anticipating any wardrobe malfunctions from Townshend or Daltry.
Enjoy the game tomorrow and hope it’s a memorable one!
Day 1 again :(
I really blew it last night. I feel like such a LOSER! I am so disappointed in my inability to just stop drinking and smoking for 30 days.
What is wrong with me? Why do I continue to fail to abstain?
I hate myself this morning. I was doing so well. Friday nights are the same as any other night. It wasn’t like I went to a big party or wedding. I drank by myself (like I usually do).
It would have been so easy to just not drink last night.
Darn it!!!
Morning all! A little chilly here this morning but sun is just rising so it should be nice, just need another layer of clothes.
Kimie – great post. You are focused and it’s that positivity that gets you through. Funny how we notice things now that we don’t drink eh? You are a great influence for others here. I have always loved your tag line too!
MaryG – you have been tested on many fronts so far in life and I must say you have definately learned much! You are doing a wonderful thing in taking care of your m-inlaw, not many people can, or would even take that on! Your husband’s attitude is disturbing but I honestly don’t know how I would deal with it either so just be patient with him until you find out what’s really going on in his head. You ARE on the cusp, enjoy the ride!!!!
Boots – welcome!
mj – damn, did they forget the rotisserie for the hip of beef too? I may have to cook it in a traditional beach pit. Our plans for an island superbowl party really is a good idea if it was possible to get everyone there! No distractions and lots of fun!
Lee – get back to it is all you can do now! Maybe just try giving one of them for now, keep the smoking so you can have at least one outlet. You can do this!
I am back to day 1 for smoking and drinking. I feel miserable this morning and very foggy.
Lee, we can do this. Remember, we are not alone. Everyone here is pulling for us. Before we know it, we WILL reach our 30 days.
I started thinking about what benefits there were to getting hammered last night. I can’t think of a one. However, I can think of at least a dozen reasons why getting hammered last night (or any night for that matter) is a bad idea.
I’ll bring a key lime pie to our NA alcohol island Superbowl extraveganza.
I am focused and committed to being fully sober because life is so much better that way! Even though so far I’ve only been able to go 4 days without drinking before backsliding. Those 4 days were great! Why do I keep backsliding?
TPAZ
Hi everyone,
I need to be here to get some strength and guidance from all you strong people. I am so tired of the beast ruling my nights and for what to wake up in the morning feeling like crap.I want to end this destructive relationship with the bottle for good. So here I am as vulnerable as a baby bird needing a nest to jump into. Today is my day 1.
I want to thank everyone for welcoming me back. I have made it through a Friday night and not going to tell you it was easy. There was about two hours where I had many conservations with myself about drinking versus not drinking. The not drinking won.
Maryg, we have a lot in common, my first husband was abusive in all ways and was a raging alcoholic. I left when he got arrested for sexualy abusing my oldest daughter. It was the most horrific experience I have ever gone through and can not believe how horrible people can be. Some people actually told me my daughter, 10 years old, deserved it. Most people said I should have stayed with him, children need their father. Bull. He did not see them for five years and those five years were the most lonely I have ever had. My family didn’t agree with me pressing charges and didn’t talk to me and all I had was my kids, who had so many of their own problems. So when I met my current husband, I didn’t have to take care of everyone. What a blessing, but that is when the drinking started. I was able to relax and not be on the edge all the time. A blessing turned into hell. I need to find out who I am and not as the protector/caregiver and be that person. Not the drunk, I don’t want to be that. I have decided this is going to be my year, for just me.
Everyone just starting on day on, we can all do this together.
Hey guys…Stumbled across this website and I find it really helpful. I love the whole concept of an island and the 30 day start to sobriety. I’m disgusted with the person I become when I’m drunk…just plain old mean which is not how I am sober. It’s funny how booze has always been a constant since 21…I guess the question becomes if you’re a single 30something guy, what do you do at night?
Boots, gemini & Johnny – welcome. You have definitely come to the right place. Keep reading, there is so much inspiration and comfort to be found here. We are all in this together!
Lee & TPAZ – I’m right there with you. I’ve spent most of today trying to take Scout’s advice to me a couple of weeks ago to imagine a wonderful life for myself. Something worth fighting for when the beast whispers in my ear. The good news is, we know this can be done and we have found friends who can help us make it happen. Lee, how can you call yourself a loser when you are trying so hard? Ease up and give yourself credit for making this a priority. It’s a slippery path at first but you can do it.
Elizabeth, enjoy this awesome day – you accomplished something amazing! Tomorrow will be even better.
Hang in there everyone, I’m praying for all of us today.
P.S. Sometimes when you post on a weekend, it can seem like a long time before you are acknowledged. Don’t get discouraged, just use the time to soak up all the love in older posts.
Hi. I’m counting by weeks. . and it’s the start of week 2 today. Okay, I’ll give myself DAY 8. To those of you struggling with false starts, I hear you. I know in my heart, inevitably, the pain of waking up after a night of drinking is so much greater than the pain of pushing through a weak moment. Lee, Think Positive AZ, all of the rest of us with the best intentions, we can do it, in spite of those moments where those little triggers ambush us. I do my most destructive drinking alone. How pathetic. I know sobriety is a mind set–yet those triggers sent me spiraling back to a worse place than I had ever been before. I had such clarity and productivity when I quit drinking alcohol. Now I’m clouded and confused. I am doubting myself every step of the way, because I fell so hard and fast–blackout drinking in a matter of weeks. I’m so thankful I found my way back here.
How is everyone? I looked at the site today thinking about how well I was doing when I was here. It looks like there are a few who have left and returned. The very week I left a few months ago was the very week I messed up. I have been trying to get back on track on my own ever since.
I wish you all good luck getting started again- or for the first time!
I was wondering how do you act with your spouse when not drinking if you have spent so many nights drinking. I think this is the hardest thing for me to develop a new way of relating to my spouse. I am not ready to tell my spouse that I am trying to quit because he doesn’t understand how hard it will be for me. Any words of wisdom?
I was wondering how do you act with your spouse when not drinking if you have spent so many nights drinking. I think this is the hardest thing for me to develop a new way of relating to my spouse. I am not ready to tell my spouse that I am trying to quit because he doesn’t understand how hard it will be for me. Any words of wisdom?
Hi, and welcome, KRR. We all battle with the same questions you are having about socializing with our old and new pals. I would say it’s not acceptable to have binges and relapses with old friends, but you’d maybe have to witness my version of binging to understand why I say that. Way to go on making it to week 2. Stay posted. I’m cheering for you.
Dryheat, sure glad to be hearing from you. Self-medication…know about it all too well. More on that to come.
Mara, missed you too!!! Thanks for the hello!!
Kimmie, welcome to #39!! Strong and smart! I still pass up on some invitations; takes away a lot of stress! Interesting comments on your SO. I started noticing things about those around me once I cleaned up. He’s lucky to have you paving the way to sobriety. Even if he doesn’t take the same path it can only be a beneficial thing that you are.
MaryG, I’m with you on praising our group of islanders. I’m 50 now and have a new found enthusiasm for life. I’ve always had zest and have never put my feet up but taking on this challenge has cleared a lot of fog. Still a ways to go but am on the right path. Your words about your challenges to this point are touching. I empathize with you. Good luck, we’re here for you.
Thanks for saying “hi” peppermint. You’re always a breath “mint” of fresh air. : ) Good luck on the job.
Boots, you’ve found a terrific site for support. Given some time you will find many who echo your thoughts exactly and trust me, you will be a support to others. We benefit from all the experiences we can learn from. Stay posted.
Mj, way to go salvaging the party, dude. Always thinking. I’ve got my Axioms sitting here and can at least make the sound BIG!! Looking forward to the mangos!!
Val, nice post. You’re so right, we have to work at imagining what our lives can be. Thanks for your prayers.
Lee, hate’s a strong feeling but I do relate. I remember feeling the way you speak. As Val says though, you’re trying…keep on trying. You’re not a loser until you quit. Remember Gretsky’s quote, “100% of the shots not taken never go in.”
TPAZ, I’m thinking of you too.
Maire, strong post. I fell hard every time I experimented. Not at first, but eventually. Blackouts, bruised esteem, self-disgust. Way to go on eight days. I don’t doubt you at all!
Cricket, I’m happy now because you dropped by!! So glad to see you here again. We’ve missed you and have called out to you several times!! Couple of examples…
http://30sleeps.com/blog/2007/12/07/how-to-quit-drinking-alcohol/comment-page-503/#comments
http://30sleeps.com/blog/2007/12/07/how-to-quit-drinking-alcohol/comment-page-504/#comment-16802
…..seriously, you’ve been mentioned many times. I know Scout has been calling for you all along. Welcome back. Stick around, no matter what…ok? Please…?
So many of you today got me to thinking about the old question, “why is it so hard to NOT drink?” I’ve said before that for me I think it has to do with feeling like I’m missing out on something. Missing out on something that I “think” the booze will magically bring me. Didn’t it use to?
Didn’t drinking make me feel calm, or buzzed, or mindful, or numbed? Didn’t it motivate me, or make me feel like just standing/sitting there? I’m sure a drink will bring back ‘old’ memories of good times, or even create new memories of good times. Can’t it do that? A drink will give me that momentary feeling of a “buzz” coming on. Why is that so special? I’ve experienced it thousands of times; were they all so amazing?!
The bottom line for me is its just a big friggin’ lie. I’ve been there, done that. The drinking experience is not everything it’s romanticized to be; at least not for me. It’s a bag of goods that’s been, and is being, sold to us. I’m that sucker who keeps falling for it, even though I know it can’t deliver. Or can it? Maybe if I try it this time it will be different. Hmmmmnnnn.. I wonder. Maybe my next drink will be that magic one I’ve always been looking for. …… No. I know its ephemeral at best and not worth it in the long run. I hope I quit falling for it.
It’s a curious struggle but when I rationalize it the pros of not drinking make me stronger.
Johan, I’ve got a bunch of banana and lotus leaves we can line the pit with. I was going to use them for some Nor my gai’s (sticky rice in lotus leaf) and Tamales but I can do that some other time. Maybe when we have our International dinner on the isle?
Gemini, welcome to starting again and the beginning of the end to the destructive relationship you spoke of. Glad to have you here. About your spouse, is he a drinker or not? My wife isn’t and it has of course been an improvement in our conversations, because I’m actually present. On the other hand, if she was a drinker I would know that she isn’t really present. That would be a challenge. I would counsel, whatever your situation, don’t act. Be who you are. You may want to state that “you’re trying to slow down” or “not drinking tonight”. Eventually you might say you’re trying to enjoy 30 days free of the booze, for health reasons. But, you don’t have to act. Be who you want to be.
I’m sorry for your internal struggles too, Elizabeth. BTW, No child of ten can “deserve” anything like that…they’re a child. WTF is wrong with people? This site is a blessing. I’ve got you in my thoughts. Love to you!
Johnny, good to have you here. Stay connected. In my experience, The meanness will go away.
Update. Finally convinced my mom to see a doctor. Her condition got bad enough that she finally agreed to go. I took her to emergency and she spent the night. Got some blood work done, and we’re initiating an assessment for home care including physio and medical support. The hospital pharmacy is analyzing her meds and we’re all relieved, including her. Hip hip hooray!! Thanks for all your concerns. She’s home with us and feeling better about everything.
Special thanks to all the caregivers.
MaryG, your council has meant a lot. I’m fortunate my wife is a daughter to my mom. You’d never think they were in-laws. You’re a good soul.
Scout, your recent thoughts on your time with mom struck a deep chord with me. I am going to count my blessing to be able to share some quality time with my mom. You’ve blessed me already with your sharing.
As one of my “Solid Rocks” at this site often says, “STAY everyone”. Can anyone guess who that is?
Hey George, how are you doing?
RRR