There are better things in life than alcohol, but alcohol makes up for not having them.
– Terry Pratchett
My maternal grandparents were both alcoholics. It’s for this reason that I can’t remember my grandpa’s funeral: I was only four. This is also why my grandma has meticulously avoided alcohol for over 20 years. If there’s anything to the rumours about alcoholism being influenced by heredity, I’m probably tagged.
My own consumption patterns change. Sometimes I’ll go through periods of several months having three or four drinks, three to five times a week. Sometimes I’ll restrict my consumption to social occasions. For about five months starting last December, in my quest to master the art of talking to strangers, my social life became two full-time jobs. I was constantly going out to social events, clubs, bars, museum parties, and everything in between. Despite temptation, I rarely drank.
Last month, I quit drinking alcohol again. I’d like to tell you that it was a struggle. I’d like to pretend that it’s almost impossible to stay sober at a social occasion where everyone else is burping bubbles. I’d like to imagine myself as more determined and disciplined than all the rest, and that’s what pulled me through.
But the truth is that I’m ruthlessly normal. And if you want to end your relationship with alcohol, right here, right now, It’s Not That Hard.
I’m guessing that most people who choose to quit drinking are not alcoholics. My intent is to offer here an action plan that anyone can apply, whether you’re nursing an addiction or just want to enjoy the benefits of uninterrupted sobriety.
Why Stop Drinking?
The long-term effects of bad habits are rarely sufficient to motivate people to change their lives. The near-term benefits of giving up alcohol are much more useful and interesting anyway. Here are the changes I experienced:
- Productive socializing. Talking to strangers is a great way to build character, but its benefits are greatly reduced when you’re drunk. The alcohol represses much of the social anxiety, which inhibits lasting change. But the only thing more terrifyingly fun than getting drunk and meeting a bunch of new people is staying sober and meeting a bunch of new people.
- Avoid the McPilgrimage. Clearly, there’s a conspiracy between the fast food industry and the liquor industry. Free will collapses under the weight of insobriety and convenience. With enough alcohol in your system, even the most wretched burger joint becomes an irresistible sanctuary.
- Reclaim lost time. Let’s say you have a few drinks around the house, three times a week, and that light touch of drunkenness costs you three hours of productive thinking each time. Within one year, you’ll have shaved about one full month off your life. That’s a lot of lost CPU time that could have been put towards reading a book, writing a speech, playing a sport, or even starting a business. And this doesn’t even count the time lost waiting for your brain to resolidify the morning after a night on the town.
- Get rich quickly. You don’t have to party that hard to spend $100-$150/week or more on alcohol and related expenses. If you quit drinking today, you could reasonably expect to convert that choice into a bankroll for backpacking around the world in about six months.
- Become an early riser. I’m currently readjusting my sleep schedule to wake up at 5:30 AM, seven days a week. Alcohol, and the lifestyle that often accompanies it, work against this process. Alcohol makes me feel tired when I want to feel energetic and awake. Ironically, it also increases wakefulness during sleep.
You can probably think of other instantly gratifying benefits to life beyond the bottle. The important thing is to actually have a reason that is important enough to you.
Make It Priority Number One
Giving up alcohol is one of the easiest and hardest changes you can make in your life.
It’s easy once you’ve established the right rules, configured your environment to support you, and set up useful boundaries of pain and pleasure to help direct you towards your goal. The hard parts are the social implications and fighting off the One Man Army that is your ego, with its barrage of self-limiting beliefs and drink requests.
Giving up alcohol must be made priority number one in your life. A partial commitment is a commitment to failure. Even if you already don’t drink that often, it will be tempting to break your own rules when your friends call you up and invite you out. You’ve got to be willing to prioritize this decision in every situation where it’s relevant, even when that means Just Saying No to pub night.
It’s Not a Big Deal
Ever notice how some people act as though the end of their relationship is the end of the world? It’s as if there’s no point in living if they can’t be with that person any longer. Yet other people come along and date that person who left them, eventually break up with them, and see it as hardly more than a blip on the radar.
You may feel that it’s pretty easy to give up drinking. Or you may feel that it’s an addiction with a stranglehold on your life. Either way, there is no inherent magnitude to this task. It’s as big or as small as you make it.
No matter how much you want to tell yourself how hard it is, nobody’s ever going to claim that learned helplessness was the secret to their success. The most effective way forward is to not only make quitting drinking a top priority, but to think, talk, and act like it can be done.
Become the Impartial Spectator
Whether you view it as a spiritual separation, or merely conceptual, we all have more than one self. There’s the “Mmmmm…beeeer…” self, and the impartial spectator that can detach from and observe this desire.
Let the latter voice be your authority. You’re allowed to want a drink as much as you’re allowed to choose not to have one. There’s tremendous power in observing your thoughts as a third party. The impartial spectator can feel the heat without getting burned.
When in doubt, let it be there. No matter how bad the storm seems, it will pass.
Commit to 30 Days
If you’ve never done it before, it can be hard to think of giving up drinking forever. It’s discouraging to commit to permanent change, only to back out a few days or weeks into it. Some people will face social friction and lifestyle changes for which they’re unprepared.
But life is a laboratory. It’s an adventure that takes shape through hypothesis and experimentation, and most decisions can be reverted. When it comes to making big changes like this, live before you leap. Promise yourself that you will commit to this 100%, but only for 30 days, and see how it goes.
This is exactly what I did last month. I promised myself that November would be alcohol-free, and it was. Truth be told, I had a few drinks on day 31. But I broke the negative pattern that was creeping up on me and gained back the energy to spend on more important activities. And I’ve repeatedly proven to myself that I can give up alcohol whenever I feel like, whenever it seems like the right thing to do.
Dump Your Existing Stash
Any goal that’s important to you is important enough to start on right now. My 30-day challenge to give up alcohol started at about 3:00 AM on a Saturday morning. I had just gotten back from a post-nightclub McPilgrimage with some friends. I had a great time. I met lots of people. I even ended up dating a girl I met that night.
But I was really annoyed by how much I’d poured into me that night, at succumbing to the resulting Big Mac temptation, and at how much I was going to regret the hangover. As soon as I got home, the challenge was on. I had one last beer in my fridge, which I ceremoniously poured down the kitchen sink.
If you’re serious about doing this, get rid of your alcohol. If you’ve got $300 worth of spirits in your cabinet and you’re not yet sure if you want to empty it all down the drain, only to change your mind in 30 days, then store it at a friend’s place during your probation period. Preferably a friend that doesn’t drink.
Advertise Your Decision
I told most of my friends about what I was doing. Not only only does this add accountability to your goal, it also drops the hint that if your friends are planning on going out and getting wasted, you’re probably not interested.
Of course, you don’t have to avoid social situations where you’ll be the only one not drinking. I’ve gone out stone sober many times–even on my own–and met loads of people. Once you get used to social skydiving, you no longer need alcohol’s permission to talk to strangers and have a good time. You can get to that place by either getting hammered out of your face, or by learning to just not care what other people think. Frankly, the latter is way more fun.
Fire Your Drinking Buddies
Alcohol may be so tightly integrated into your social life that it seems almost impossible to go an entire weekend without drinking. If the only thing you have in common with your friends is that you like the same lagers, you might want to consider finding new friends.
I’ve let go of people in my social circle before and I know it’s not easy–but that doesn’t make it unnecessary. This might be the hardest thing you do in choosing a life without alcohol. The key is to remember that friends are an abundant resource. Having a strong social circle is purely a function of the effort you invest into it. That includes choosing to associate only with people who are aligned with your purpose, while avoiding the energy vampires.
This is another benefit of a 30-day commitment. Instead of permanently downsizing your social life, you can choose to be busy only for the next few weeks. Observe how it affects you when you stop spending time with your beer buddies. Join a local user group for something you’re interested in to bring yourself into contact with people with whom you share more than just a bar tab.
Bribe Yourself
I haven’t used this specific technique for giving up alcohol, but I have used it with much success in bulldozing my way through a wall of social anxiety.
Associate massive pain to backing out. To create that pain, visit your nearest bank machine. Withdraw an amount of money that you’d feel uncomfortable losing. Give it to a friend you trust. Tell them that you get your money back if, and only if, you don’t have a drop of alcohol until your 30 days are up. You’ll be surprised at how even the most difficult tasks become doable when you associate massive pain to breaking your own rules. Money can be a great way to make it hurt. If you can think of an even better form of self-bribery, go for it.
The stronger you feel that alcohol is a part of your life, the more of these techniques you may want to apply. My most recent alcohol-free challenge didn’t require bribery or letting go of any friends. But I did find it extremely useful to limit the challenge to 30 days, to give myself permission to live the lifestyle before leaping to a permanent decision.
I also think that making this a top priority is key, no matter what your current consumption habits. It’s so easy to let yourself slip for just one night, and then feel guilty about breaching your own contract later on.
Day 3 (7 out of 8 days sober in February)
I’m feeling great this morning. Glad I didn’t drink last night, never really got the urge to although it was a historically perfect night to drink for me. Big game on TV, wife out at the movies with her friend, kids sleeping soundly. I could have drunk 12 beers and smoked half a pack of butts, but i DIDN’T!!!!!!
I drank seltzers and watched the game without the need for any poisons :)
Have a great day everyone,
Lee
Hi Lee; GOOD FOR YOU!!! WAY TO GO
Way to go Lee. I like the 7 out of 8 days sober comment…We all have to focus on what’s working for us instead of beating ourselves up for temporary setbacks.
Van, how’s it going so far? You’ve found a great place if you need support along the way. Happy sober Monday to you!!
RR
Good for you, Lee! I can tell by your post that you feel simply awesome now. And isn’t it amazing that you still enjoyed your game without drinking!
Kimi: I too ask God every day to help me resist alcohol. I couldn’t do it alone without His help. And I loved your signature phrase, “Lifestyle change in progress”. How very appropriate for all of us.
Elizabeth: your story touched me deeply. How so very sorry I am for you and your daughter to have had to suffer so needlessly by not only the perpetrator, but from both families too! Your poor little girl! Has she had some counselling? Elizabeth, my ex-husband was a raging alcoholic too. He was bi-polar with borderline personality disorder too. Drinking alcohol while on heavy pychotic drugs do not go hand-in-hand. I didn’t drink through that marriage because I, like you was too busy caretaking and enabling. For me, my drinking also started 3 years ago until I was drinking daily. We certainly do have much in common, don’t we?! And I thoroughly endorse your words, “I need to find out who I am and not as the protector/caregiver and be that person. Not the drunk, I don’t want to be that. I have decided this is going to be my year, for just me.” I love this. Aren’t we just the luckiest people to finally get to the point where we know that this is going to be our year?
River Rat: I’m so glad your mom got her bloodwork done and the doctor and pharmacist are both on board. The assessment for home care and physio will be a Godsend to her as well as you and your wife. I’m so pleased to hear this because I do understand the difficulty of caring for a parent. And I just loved reading all the words to the song, “Wasn’t that a Party?”. What a hoot! We’ve all been there more or less so it was indeed hilarious to read the entire lyrics. It was good to see the actual words, because in my mind I think I had mangled some of the lyrics. LOL!
Made it through the weekend and flying onwards to Day 30 tomorrow. I can never go back to the way I was because I am not capable of social drinking. Thankfully, I realize this now. Life’s too good being sober and on the ball. It’s so much easier now to deal with the normal day-to-day stresses. I don’t know where the hell my head was before because this sure beats falling into bed at night in a stupor. This month, I’ve had the best sleeps ever. I wake up refreshed and ready for a new day.
So I wish all my fellow islanders a wonderful new day. A new day of new beginnings for some and a new day of continued self-improvement for others.
love and big hugs from me to you,
Mary
Hi Cricket; just like Jello there,s always room for Cricket! – Welcome Back
love, carol xoxoxo
Hi Maryg; the story of my Metamorphosis came about when I received an award in my 50’s and many congrats – btw my husband never attended any award things I received – all I could think was “if people really knew me they wouldn’t give me this” – I knew there was something wrong with this thinking and I started therapy and went down a dark path of depression however continued to function – my husband felt threatened and just criticized me and my therapist – along the way a door in my mind opened and revealed repressed memories of sexual abuse and I thought I would never get over it all – long story short – I got over it and that is what I mean about surviving and thriving – not until way long later did my husband seem to appreciate me the me I came to be with self-confidence – I drank through all that primarily at home but also a few beers or glasses of wine out – I had already had what I needed at home so I only needed a few out so most people did not believe I needed to quit – I know now that my husband loved me and our son but was not able to show it to us – today is the 2nd Anniversary of his death and I believe he is expressing love from the Spirit world to both of us – I don’t share this with my son yet – don’t know how it would make him feel – he misses his dad and loved him – I drank heavily to make it through his final illness of cancer while I took care of him and drank through the next 4 months and then felt that I was really really out of control and a DUI and/or illness and disgracing myself before my son was going to happen – the blackouts were becoming evident – I felt like I was at the end of my rope when I found 30ZZZZ and here I am 1 year 8 months later
I know there is no place in my life for moderate drinking – I come from an Irish and alcoholic family and I think of drinking as one of those things like ice skating, skiing and running and hours of bike riding that I did in the past and cannot do any more – there are many things I can and I do enjoy and I continue to change my thinking process about the drinking mystique
Dear Islander Brothers & Sisters you mean everything to me STAY love carol xoxoxo
Hi all. I did not survive the weekend sober. I had some weird emotions Friday but will deal with those this week. I have read often that to quit you should have a plan and I have been forming a plan as I go along and implemented parts of it yesterday even though I did decide to drink during the game.
It’s a great day for a fresh start and a new chapter of my life.
I did not survive either- I am back at Day 1
Got too caught up with my anxiety and well…yeah. Not feeling real positive today but that is probably residual alcohol in me still, so I feel kind of ‘down’ – I must do better -I will get better.
Key I am taking your words as it is a great day for a fresh start and a new chapter in my life- thanks
Day 200 today. I write this in part to boast, of course. But more importantly to give encouragement: It took me three years to get to this point, and there were many false starts. But it can be done, if you work hard at it and just persist! I will never go back to my old ways, life is just too good now.
Thanks John. you have done so good! trying not to feel like a loser right now in looking at your success…..
Gypsie. It ain’t easy, but it CAN be done, and it is worth the effort. Hang in there.
Gypsie. I found that a major step for me to quit successfully was to understand why I used alcohol. Exactly like you, often because anxiety, and yes, alcohol does quench anxiety – at least at first. Then I found that the next day I was even more anxious, and less able to face whatever was making me anxious. So more booze next day, and so on…
The way out is to figure out what made me drink, and then to deal with the underlying issues as best I can – rather than just anesthetizing myself and postponing solutions. Quitting my ineffective way of handling problems with drinking really was, and still is, a question of making pretty profound changes in how to deal with life.
John
John you’re right – I need to change how I am approaching this ‘life’ – and of course the fact that I am anxious now is because of drinking yesterday and the reason I drank yesterday was because I was anxious about work today- what the ‘hey’ am I doing with my life-
poor poor choices – I must stay aware and make better choices. again, the actions of a child. Today I’ll be a ‘grown up’ and make better choices. Thanks for listening-
Carol: Thank you for sharing your story with me on such a monumental occasion today. I am so glad that you were able to finally come through your darkness into the light. And to have your husband finally appreciate you and accept your new-found self confidence before his death was a true gift. I do personally understand why you drank heavily to make it through your husband’s final days. It was your method of coping. I also had sexual abuse taint my childhood. It was a difficult choice for me to decide that I no longer wanted to remain the victim. Being a victim was one of the many hats I wore. Once I discarded that “hat” the load I carried for years lightened considerably, and I was finally able to forgive the perpetrator…my father. We were finally able to have an adult relationship before his death. I can tell by your words that you have abandoned the victim role too. Your metamorphasis has turned you into a beautiful butterfly; a person that many of us look to for guidance because of your insight and experience with true soberity. From one sister to another, I embrace you from my heart.
Your husband is indeed sending you his love today and every day. I am positive that he is so very proud of you, Carol, and cherishes you dearly. Proud of your many accomplishments and especially your most recent one of 1 year and 8 months. Way to go!!! God bless you and your son on this special and solemn anniversary and keep you both safe always.
Love Mary xoxo
Hi all,
Carol you sound like an awesome women…. such deep wisdom.
John it is encouraging.. way to go200 days
Cricket welcome back… missed your wit and charm.
Key, Gypsy I’mm in the same boat. It seems the harder I try the worse I get. and Scary part is I’m drinking more, now that I am up and around pain free and having a blast playing outside, I realize most people in my life drink, a lot, here in the UP. When I lived in Reno, oddly enough few friends drank, so it seemed easier…
So I need to really buckle up. I may even go to a few aa meetings. The first time I quit,lasted for 7 years…. as we all know, I went to meetings pretty regular and got 90 day coin and never went back….there was a lot I didn’t like about it, but it helped get me started.
The truth is I don’t like me much when I drink. I loose so much….ambition, creativity, self worth.. I’m 51 and is that how I want to spend my adult life acting like a child? Shameful, like the women in Australia. In Reno I was working the ICU when a 60 year old man with his 5th dui, was so drunk, and high on pot he got on the freeway the wrong way and hit 2 vans, one family killing 6, father and wifes sister survived……It was a gruesome night in the ICU that night…wife live for 3 days, father was finding the children on the road and lying them next to each other on the side of the road. The man was put on a suicide watch, and is in prison for a long time now. I remember thinking how horrible it would be to be him.
I am going to a funeral tonight of a Women who’s caring, motivation, love, and laughter changed my life in highschool. And through her entire life she was a gift to so many. Perhaps it’s time to focus on giving and not taking.
My husband and I got a special, expensive bottle of champagne for Valentines from a friend, I will drink that with him, and then I will start finding sober people and more to give. It’s hard with him drinking…. perhaps he’ll see the other side. He know he drinks too much too.
You all are so wonderful on this site….so many really got a hold on it from day one…..I guess I keep thinking this will be so easy for me because I did it before with out much fuss……
j
sorry such a long one
Marg; thank you – I have tears and lets walk this path together
Jeanne1 so sorry about the dear person in your past and glad to be a sister to you through the Island as well and everyone else
I love all of us and our serious responsibility for our behavior even through minor needs for a drink we know what we need to do for ourselves
Love to all STAY carol xoxoxo
Very quick check-in, I will write more later.
I had three glasses of wine last night and they were monumental in that I have realised absolutely and finally that I no longer wish to drink.
That’s it for me. I’m not screwing up this wonderful journey I’m on. It’s too precious and too important.
I’m glad I did it, because right down to my toes I now know that it’s finally over.
Back later to say hi to everyone…much love…Annie
Jeanne1, Annie, Key, lets knock this thing out. I am going to spend some time reading old posts for encouragement and I thank everyone in advance for offering me and all of us more.
Sincerely, I am staying Carol.
I still am not liking myself so much, but telling myself I love myself anyway..
Carol,
Thank you for sharing your most deeply held thoughts; I want you to know how much I respect the courage it takes to be so honest and open – and for you to know that these words were read with the same measure of respect.
I know that you posted some time ago about going to Ireland and at the time you might have been questioning how easy/hard it would be to go to the land of grand beers (am I getting this right? I think you were writing this in the last days before my mom died so my memory is a bit fuzzy). Anyway, I’ve been thinking of this and i really, really urge you to locate a copy of the book Paula Spencer by Roddy Doyle. I have mentioned this book here before but I’m not sure anyone has taken up the suggestion – if you can find it on cd and listen to it, all the more powerful. It might just give you a perspective that will help broaden the thinking about your conflict (even though I think it has since been resolved). I recommend this book to anyone here – it is fiction but a book with such pointed truths and such a powerful portrayal of a woman’s courage in the face of the day to day… I think the first sentence is something like, “She’d been four months sober.” Anyway, that’s my thought on that.
Maire – thinking of you – glad to see you here. A good hug and good thoughts for you in these days. It’s just such a good idea. love to you.
For those of you who don’t know me, I’ve been sober over a year now. I’ve got a question and I’m thinking about it because now that I have some perspective, I’m curious about something – perhaps those of you who have yet to mark that many days have way more insight early on than I had – as some things are still coming clear to me. The question has to do with “alcoholic behavior.” I’m not totally sure what i mean by this – but I don’t mean the things we all did that had to do with alcohol (like the recent stories – familiar as they were – of adding water to existing liquor, opening a bottle of wine and having it stashed somewhere so that the one bottle that gets opened in public is drunk more slowly. I mean something that is, as John mentioned, as a result of either an underlying reason or is otherwise a habitual way of managing emotional experience. Maybe this doesn’t make sense – but I had a sudden shock of a sensation recently that I had not conquered “alcoholic behavior” but rather had conquered alcohol. That there is, even after a year plus, so much more to consider and keep thinking about – is not a bad thing. In fact, it is quite a purposeful venture and has its own rewards of a deeper understanding, a keener ability to relate to others given the appreciation for a more nuanced life, and more like that…
Gypsie, you have my strongest encouragement to knock this thing out. John posted what worked for him – to sort out the underlying issue and deal differently. For me, the strongest suggestion I can offer is to turn yourself in a direction toward the future, toward a very specific way of life you are seeking, and simply do 24 hours at a time in that direction as sober as a baby. Each day it will be one more day sober and easier than the day before, and each day will bring something new to you. The key is that the we need to listen to ourselves slightly differently. We need to protect that space in our hearts that truly wants freedom and listen carefully to the desire for it. Then, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and never, ever, look back. I know that if I have one drink, I will rationalize til the cows come home and I’ll be back to black out drinking in a split second – and when I quit last Jan 23, I was terrified that even though most often, I just drank red wine at home – and only in the evening – blacking out was happening more and more readily. Terrifying to think what might have happened to me had I not logged on to 30zzz’s. From the first moment of landing mysteriously at this site, I have not had another drop of alcohol. Fear of failing (and I do NOT like to fail) helped at first to never stray but now I really do know I just can’t and that life is far better learning to live with the idea. And, come to find out – much as we think we can’t live a life without it, or can’t picture a life entirely sober – it’s really not nearly so farfetched as we imagine it to be. It’s truly, truly not.
This is a long post – sorry for taking up so much space here! So I’ll just stop and say:
Love,
Scout
Thank you Scout- I would be liar if I said I wasn’t terrified right now and angry over my actions yesterday but you’re so right about stepping in a direction that will be both healing and positive toward my future – moving forward, I think as some time passes I will feel better about myself as long as I am walking toward my goal(s).
Happy Monday All.
The honesty of the folks on this site always amazes and humbles me. Continuing to read the stories on here makes it so clear to me that we can always find a “reason” to soothe with alcohol because it is easy and can often make a realtime situation more bearable. However, as I think John so aptedly pointed out to really get over our alcohol dependence we have to figure out “why” we choose to self medicate with alcohol and deal with the “why”!
Elizabeth and MaryG, I thought I had it bad but my heart goes out to both of you.
Cricket, welcome back. You were so friendly when I started on this site last October it is nice to see your avatar again!
John, congratulations on 200 days! You should be very proud of yourself and the new person you have become.
To all who recently slipped, you still have been drinking less than you were before so be proud of your achievement and the fact that you are back posting shows that this will work for you someday.
Go Saints!
M
Scout: “Alcoholic behaviour”. Are you talking about what they in a.a. call the dry drunk syndrome? Much as I appreciate Brad Bollenbach, I do think giving up alcohol is a big deal. For me it is a result of self-analysis, maturation, and connecting with the person I want to be. I was drinking almost every day, and when I realized that I had to stop, I thought: no big deal, just stop. And I did for a couple of days, it worked, but I always reverted. Alcohol permeated so profoundly how I functioned. I had to understand much better what made me drink, and get down to the basic issues. The demon that tells me to solve problems by drinking is only one out of many. Another demon tells me to fear – fear something that is not even there, another to feel depressed – even if there is nothing to be depressed about, another to have low self-esteem – even though I have value just like everyone else. I think abstinence is just the beginning of a long and fruitful spiritual journey fighting all those demons.
Love, John
John, I agree – giving up alcohol is a step in the right direction and the idea of giving it up for 30 days to see what happens or to have some other experience is not the kind of drinker I was. I needed to give it up with no intentions of returning to it as it’s all or nothing for me. (by the way, it took me quite some time to feel comfortable even considering those words – even after I had been sober for some time) But I actually don’t mesh with the demon notion – never have. It creates some fantastical creature that is just hard for me to sort out negotiating with – I think about it differently (and have no qualms about how it makes perfect sense to others or to you, that it works entirely and makes sense for you is what matters to me). So, given that there is no demon in my view – it’s a question of body chemistry and craving that I have not entirely shut off – close, but not quite. And a craving that would be re-energized – even magnified – were I to indulge. So, what the heck AM I talking about? Darn. I wish I knew. It’s just an inkling that there is something more – I have no idea what a dry drunk is (ugh, hate the label). Perhaps it’s mine to research.
Thanks for responding – and more power to you!
Scout
Carol- What an emotional day it must be for you today. I did not realize you had gone so long, but congratulations to you for your strength and for being an inspiration to the rest of us. You have been through so much and to “get it together” rather than use it as an excuse to continue is an amazing example.
Jeanne1- thanks for the welcome. WOW! 7 years- you can do it again! What a story, makes me never want to look at a bottle again.
Dryheat-thanks. Nice to hear from you, too.
I agree with John. Alcohol is usually a cover up for something else. If we were really ok with everything in our lives, why would we mess it up with drinking? It would seem that alcohol would get in the way. Which it does regardless, eh?
testing…
Cybelle-Gotcha’ Take care. Miss you.
Cricket-Glad you posted again. I am about the same. Still trying to hang in there. Some days are easy some are hard…like Sobie Sunday…I drove all over this dang city to Find N/A Becks. First time I have tried a n/a alternative drink. Didn’t taste bad but I almost felt like I was drinking. Almost like typsy..typsie (Sp) All in my head I know. Weird. Not sure I will try that again. It was nice to feel like I sort of fit in. Not sure that I ever did. You know how we think? My minute secure, the next minute out of place. We all have similar traits. That is why we drink the poison. Simple analogy. It just takes a split second to cave.
Many of us fail because we haven’t mastered our own triggers. Should be a degree offered for this very thing. Just a thought, make a list of what trips the trigger. When the hour comes pull out the list and see if your thoughts match one on the list. Just a thought-hope it helps. I carry cards with me. Tiny ones that no one will see.
Catch you later.
Love, Peppermint
Hi Everyone,
It’s been a long time since I’ve posted, and while I read the posts now and then, I’ve stayed away because I haven’t felt like I’m ready or able to give up drinking 100%. I know I could do another 30 days, but for me, that’s not the point. I need to quit for good.
Currently, I’m “moderating” in the sense that I’m just trying to keep a lid on things. Lately me strategy has been to tackle some other areas in my life that might give me a leg up on sobriety. I’m running a lot and have dropped some weight.
Anyway, I came on here because Scout’s post really spoke to me. The “alcoholic behavior” is what I’m trying to get to the root of. I hear so many people talk about self-medicating, and I never thought that applied to me, but I’m starting to think it does. By the time 5 o’clock rolls around, I have a very hard time just being with “me.” I’m tired of me. The worries, the child, the mental to-do lists, the quiet evening moments that make me very anxious. Wine obliterates all of that and I’ve come to depend on it. When I’m not drinking at night, I find myself seeking solace in some large hunks of French bread. Not as bad as wine, but not good. Same behavior.
Anyway. It seems like many of us here are natural-born care-givers and “doers” who are looking for an off button at night.
No drinks for me tonight (or French bread, thankfully). I’ll try again tomorrow. I just know I have a lot to figure out before I can be a success at this.
Scout, thank you for getting me thinking about all of this.
Carol, thank you for such honesty and love for everyone here.
Love to everyone here, reading or posting.
Martha
Mary G, thanks for your concern over my mom. I’m with you on reading the song lyrics from our standpoint…man, I can relate to the idiocy ; ( We all mangled that song from time to time….
Did you catch the “I sure can use those 30 days ? Too funny, and sad.
Carol, your thoughts are deep and meaningful. My heart aches about your trials and rejoices in your triumphs. It’s never easy to express the depths of our hearts but you have a knack. You mean everything to me too…no regrets…we’re the new renaissance. We don’t have to drink, or ice skate…not anymore…we’re living important lives now. I just found this old quote again yesterday. I don’t use it in a preachy way but I do like it as a reminder for myself, even though I’m not Buddhist…“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream in the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” Buddha Glad you’re here, my solid rock.
Key, Gypsy, good for you. I never came back like you just did. I had to dwell in the house of self-pity for a worthy period of suffering and chastisement before showing my face again. You both recognize this place for what it really is, a support. Who needs support? All of us who are needy. Slipping up just makes you human. Glad to see you both ready to ride again. Remember this one, “I fell 7 times. I got up eight.” (something like that)?
John, boast away…!!! You are an encouragement!
Jeanne1, I’m sorry about the loss of your friend. She sounds like you…caring, motivating, full of love, enjoying laughter. You enjoy your Valentine’s. Just, whatever you do, stay here…you’re important to me. I enjoy your thoughts, as they often echo my own. I’m not sure about trying AA yet. I’m sticking with you guys for now.
Annie, love your spirit!! Look forward to hearing from you.
Gypsie, you mean a lot to me. Glad to see you still here. Never leave, please?
I’m going to get the book, Scout. Thanks for your words, as always, such an inspiration and pull factor for our community. Never apologize for the length of your posts (look who’s talking here : ) ) I relish them as do so many here. I’m thinking about the “alcoholic behaviour’ and I totally get what you mean, but have no simple answer as it will also be an inward journey for moi. I agree though, the consideration of this is good. I can’t state it better than you but feel the need to repeat it, in case anyone missed… In fact, it is quite a purposeful venture and has its own rewards of a deeper understanding, a keener ability to relate to others given the appreciation for a more nuanced life, and more like that…” Thanks my call out friend. XO
Dryheat, so good to here from you. Nice post!!
Cybelle, message received…test worked…Hey there, miss you!!
Peppermint, we need to stay connected till we master our triggers, if/when that day ever comes.
Scout, John…how much psychological, genetic, physiological, learned behaviour, ….that is, imaginary, hard wired, pharmaceutical, or socialized. It’s a complex pondering, but although we may never understand it fully completely, we are aware that we want to exchange it.
Can we get as addicted to the flip side. I’m not sure but I’m thinking probably not, although I’m trying to get addicted to positive replacement (exercise, guitar, art, volunteering, no hangovers, etc.) Can we appreciate the benefits of this side more? Most likely. We’re talking about addictive behaviour… sorry, I ramble… My brain just filled up. Ouch! I will ponder and return to read more conclusive ponderings.
Love you all.
RRR
Made it through day 1 again. Went to a Superbowl party and stayed sober as the designated driver. It was amusing to watch all the “drunks”, but I realized that I’m usually one of those drunks and it depresses me that this is usually how people see me when I am at a party and oftentimes even when there is no party.
I felt really great staying sober at the party and I thought I made it through the night. However bought wine on the way home and hubbie and I each drank a bottle. He woke up this morning saying he was ready to stop at least for this week. It’s hard for me because we feed off each other. I am hoping that if we can make it all week without wine we will just continue being sober through the weekend. I decided to focus on not drinking and not necessarily quit smoking at the same time although I really want to quit that as well.
In reading the posts here I realize that I also have some deep and dark issues. I could write a book about all of my “issues” starting with childhood and some that are still present today. I just think it would be too painful to revisit some of them so I am very hesitant to drum them all up again.
Hubbie is extremely critical, cynical and very negative which I’m sure doesn’t help me any. My son pointed out that I constantly criticize my husbands negativity which doesn’t help anyone wither. I am going to try and restrain my negative comments and I am hopeful that this will help. We’ve been married 20 years and I am very committed to our relationship and the love that we have for each other.
It is challenging to stay sober (to say the least) because we are both alcoholics. If anyone has any advice on this front, it will be greatly appreciated.
I thank everyone here on the island for their wisdom and insight.
TPAZ
Nfish, good to see you again. Will chat more tomorrow. Glad you’re here.
TPAZ, you’re here. That’s good. I can’t say too much about your past cause I don’t know it, but I know a bit about who you can be, and just wait till you really get going. It won’t be easy but imagine the potential of your life. How’s your story going to pan out? Just imagine, and keep working towards it.
Good night islanders. Under the same sky,
RRR