There are better things in life than alcohol, but alcohol makes up for not having them.
– Terry Pratchett
My maternal grandparents were both alcoholics. It’s for this reason that I can’t remember my grandpa’s funeral: I was only four. This is also why my grandma has meticulously avoided alcohol for over 20 years. If there’s anything to the rumours about alcoholism being influenced by heredity, I’m probably tagged.
My own consumption patterns change. Sometimes I’ll go through periods of several months having three or four drinks, three to five times a week. Sometimes I’ll restrict my consumption to social occasions. For about five months starting last December, in my quest to master the art of talking to strangers, my social life became two full-time jobs. I was constantly going out to social events, clubs, bars, museum parties, and everything in between. Despite temptation, I rarely drank.
Last month, I quit drinking alcohol again. I’d like to tell you that it was a struggle. I’d like to pretend that it’s almost impossible to stay sober at a social occasion where everyone else is burping bubbles. I’d like to imagine myself as more determined and disciplined than all the rest, and that’s what pulled me through.
But the truth is that I’m ruthlessly normal. And if you want to end your relationship with alcohol, right here, right now, It’s Not That Hard.
I’m guessing that most people who choose to quit drinking are not alcoholics. My intent is to offer here an action plan that anyone can apply, whether you’re nursing an addiction or just want to enjoy the benefits of uninterrupted sobriety.
Why Stop Drinking?
The long-term effects of bad habits are rarely sufficient to motivate people to change their lives. The near-term benefits of giving up alcohol are much more useful and interesting anyway. Here are the changes I experienced:
- Productive socializing. Talking to strangers is a great way to build character, but its benefits are greatly reduced when you’re drunk. The alcohol represses much of the social anxiety, which inhibits lasting change. But the only thing more terrifyingly fun than getting drunk and meeting a bunch of new people is staying sober and meeting a bunch of new people.
- Avoid the McPilgrimage. Clearly, there’s a conspiracy between the fast food industry and the liquor industry. Free will collapses under the weight of insobriety and convenience. With enough alcohol in your system, even the most wretched burger joint becomes an irresistible sanctuary.
- Reclaim lost time. Let’s say you have a few drinks around the house, three times a week, and that light touch of drunkenness costs you three hours of productive thinking each time. Within one year, you’ll have shaved about one full month off your life. That’s a lot of lost CPU time that could have been put towards reading a book, writing a speech, playing a sport, or even starting a business. And this doesn’t even count the time lost waiting for your brain to resolidify the morning after a night on the town.
- Get rich quickly. You don’t have to party that hard to spend $100-$150/week or more on alcohol and related expenses. If you quit drinking today, you could reasonably expect to convert that choice into a bankroll for backpacking around the world in about six months.
- Become an early riser. I’m currently readjusting my sleep schedule to wake up at 5:30 AM, seven days a week. Alcohol, and the lifestyle that often accompanies it, work against this process. Alcohol makes me feel tired when I want to feel energetic and awake. Ironically, it also increases wakefulness during sleep.
You can probably think of other instantly gratifying benefits to life beyond the bottle. The important thing is to actually have a reason that is important enough to you.
Make It Priority Number One
Giving up alcohol is one of the easiest and hardest changes you can make in your life.
It’s easy once you’ve established the right rules, configured your environment to support you, and set up useful boundaries of pain and pleasure to help direct you towards your goal. The hard parts are the social implications and fighting off the One Man Army that is your ego, with its barrage of self-limiting beliefs and drink requests.
Giving up alcohol must be made priority number one in your life. A partial commitment is a commitment to failure. Even if you already don’t drink that often, it will be tempting to break your own rules when your friends call you up and invite you out. You’ve got to be willing to prioritize this decision in every situation where it’s relevant, even when that means Just Saying No to pub night.
It’s Not a Big Deal
Ever notice how some people act as though the end of their relationship is the end of the world? It’s as if there’s no point in living if they can’t be with that person any longer. Yet other people come along and date that person who left them, eventually break up with them, and see it as hardly more than a blip on the radar.
You may feel that it’s pretty easy to give up drinking. Or you may feel that it’s an addiction with a stranglehold on your life. Either way, there is no inherent magnitude to this task. It’s as big or as small as you make it.
No matter how much you want to tell yourself how hard it is, nobody’s ever going to claim that learned helplessness was the secret to their success. The most effective way forward is to not only make quitting drinking a top priority, but to think, talk, and act like it can be done.
Become the Impartial Spectator
Whether you view it as a spiritual separation, or merely conceptual, we all have more than one self. There’s the “Mmmmm…beeeer…” self, and the impartial spectator that can detach from and observe this desire.
Let the latter voice be your authority. You’re allowed to want a drink as much as you’re allowed to choose not to have one. There’s tremendous power in observing your thoughts as a third party. The impartial spectator can feel the heat without getting burned.
When in doubt, let it be there. No matter how bad the storm seems, it will pass.
Commit to 30 Days
If you’ve never done it before, it can be hard to think of giving up drinking forever. It’s discouraging to commit to permanent change, only to back out a few days or weeks into it. Some people will face social friction and lifestyle changes for which they’re unprepared.
But life is a laboratory. It’s an adventure that takes shape through hypothesis and experimentation, and most decisions can be reverted. When it comes to making big changes like this, live before you leap. Promise yourself that you will commit to this 100%, but only for 30 days, and see how it goes.
This is exactly what I did last month. I promised myself that November would be alcohol-free, and it was. Truth be told, I had a few drinks on day 31. But I broke the negative pattern that was creeping up on me and gained back the energy to spend on more important activities. And I’ve repeatedly proven to myself that I can give up alcohol whenever I feel like, whenever it seems like the right thing to do.
Dump Your Existing Stash
Any goal that’s important to you is important enough to start on right now. My 30-day challenge to give up alcohol started at about 3:00 AM on a Saturday morning. I had just gotten back from a post-nightclub McPilgrimage with some friends. I had a great time. I met lots of people. I even ended up dating a girl I met that night.
But I was really annoyed by how much I’d poured into me that night, at succumbing to the resulting Big Mac temptation, and at how much I was going to regret the hangover. As soon as I got home, the challenge was on. I had one last beer in my fridge, which I ceremoniously poured down the kitchen sink.
If you’re serious about doing this, get rid of your alcohol. If you’ve got $300 worth of spirits in your cabinet and you’re not yet sure if you want to empty it all down the drain, only to change your mind in 30 days, then store it at a friend’s place during your probation period. Preferably a friend that doesn’t drink.
Advertise Your Decision
I told most of my friends about what I was doing. Not only only does this add accountability to your goal, it also drops the hint that if your friends are planning on going out and getting wasted, you’re probably not interested.
Of course, you don’t have to avoid social situations where you’ll be the only one not drinking. I’ve gone out stone sober many times–even on my own–and met loads of people. Once you get used to social skydiving, you no longer need alcohol’s permission to talk to strangers and have a good time. You can get to that place by either getting hammered out of your face, or by learning to just not care what other people think. Frankly, the latter is way more fun.
Fire Your Drinking Buddies
Alcohol may be so tightly integrated into your social life that it seems almost impossible to go an entire weekend without drinking. If the only thing you have in common with your friends is that you like the same lagers, you might want to consider finding new friends.
I’ve let go of people in my social circle before and I know it’s not easy–but that doesn’t make it unnecessary. This might be the hardest thing you do in choosing a life without alcohol. The key is to remember that friends are an abundant resource. Having a strong social circle is purely a function of the effort you invest into it. That includes choosing to associate only with people who are aligned with your purpose, while avoiding the energy vampires.
This is another benefit of a 30-day commitment. Instead of permanently downsizing your social life, you can choose to be busy only for the next few weeks. Observe how it affects you when you stop spending time with your beer buddies. Join a local user group for something you’re interested in to bring yourself into contact with people with whom you share more than just a bar tab.
Bribe Yourself
I haven’t used this specific technique for giving up alcohol, but I have used it with much success in bulldozing my way through a wall of social anxiety.
Associate massive pain to backing out. To create that pain, visit your nearest bank machine. Withdraw an amount of money that you’d feel uncomfortable losing. Give it to a friend you trust. Tell them that you get your money back if, and only if, you don’t have a drop of alcohol until your 30 days are up. You’ll be surprised at how even the most difficult tasks become doable when you associate massive pain to breaking your own rules. Money can be a great way to make it hurt. If you can think of an even better form of self-bribery, go for it.
The stronger you feel that alcohol is a part of your life, the more of these techniques you may want to apply. My most recent alcohol-free challenge didn’t require bribery or letting go of any friends. But I did find it extremely useful to limit the challenge to 30 days, to give myself permission to live the lifestyle before leaping to a permanent decision.
I also think that making this a top priority is key, no matter what your current consumption habits. It’s so easy to let yourself slip for just one night, and then feel guilty about breaching your own contract later on.
Pretty darn good game and was it just me…outside of the long halftime show, it seemed the game literally flew by! And speaking of the intermission, gotta say though, my fav Mod rockers seemed a step slow with the live performance, but those iconic anthems will drive on forever.
Booboo::belated congratulations on the incredible booboolishes half a YEAR!
Nfish:: much like your post and account, I bounced around for a couple of months at the end of the year. 4 days off, 3 on, 10 off, 2 on, etc. It just is so nowhere – the hard day-to-day work trying to keep ‘the quit’ going and always looking (and drooling) over your shoulder to when you’ll give yourself permission to drink next. Your spot on about needing a ‘real stretch’ to really see and feel the island magic!
Cricket:: sorry, my ‘a warble in the ship’ to you was meant to be ‘a wobble in the ship’. Warble being “to sing in a trilling manner with many turns and variations”. On second thought, I can kind of see that too:) Glad to see you hanging around.
Lee:: way to STAY through the home alone time particularly considering it was accompanied by over-the-top sports excitement!
John:: Your follow-up post to key:: and Gypsie’s:: new day ones was very eye opening and I’m sure provided a boost to them. Way to persevere and reading it, I could only think of how many of us islanders wish we had (at least) started a serious quit three years ago?
Jeanne1:: so sorry to hear of your friends passing too. Your telling of your experience in the ICU was a chilling account that I’m sure sent a shiver or two up a few spines.
Scout:: and John:: I had an in-law who was a dry drunk (loose definition: somewhat keeping the same destructive lifestyle while remaining sober). This was 7-8 years ago and he has since passed away. It was just plain tragic. Of course I was drinking heavily at the time and I think it was the first time I subconsciously thought about a ‘demonic curse of some kind. I mean the poor soul had successfully remained sober for several years, always very considerate and polite…in short, had the best of intentions. Like the old saying, if he didn’t have bad luck, he’d have no luck at all. Since then, I think I’ve started to view ‘that fantasy image’ of the demon as an ugly metaphor (of the even uglier side of life) that I sold out to.
Cybelle:: Great to see your blip on the radar!
TPAZ:: my SO is not an alcoholic, but I, unwittingly tried my darndest to steer her that way. Most evenings, I’d always push for a bottle each, knowing I’d end up getting half of hers too. You’re so right in recognizing the dangers of fueling the fire with an accomplice. Just like my drinking or lack of it, she has followed suit (except for a rare glass of wine once in awhile) and is loving life because of it. So all the best in moving forward on that front. It doesn’t have to be a solo flight – there’s considerable comfort in having a co-pilot when we take to the skies.
RRat:: I was warming up to make a run on a deep post. Alas, sputtering out now and can only stand back in awe and admiration – although I’m looking for johan, (the consensus number 1 contender) to make a serious challenge again. Been strumming my old acoustic axe a little of late as well :)
Have a great Tuesday all.
Hi Scout; thank you for your thoughts/feelings. I will look for Roddy Doyle’s book before my trip to Ireland Mar 6th. I am feeling stronger about seeing Ireland through sober eyes now. After talking to everyone here about it, my wish to remain sober comes through to me and reaffirms my reserve although I still yearn for Baily’s Irish Cream mm mm which may not be Irish at all. I always gave myself a bottle of that for Christmas and drank it Christmas morning, a time I felt left out. I still miss that even though I feel great as a person on Christmas morning.
My understanding of the Dry Drunk Behavior is one who continues to function with the same type of impaired cognitive behavioral style as when drinking and does not learn to improve choices, consequences etc with sobriety. In other words the thinking process has not undergone a change. This is the area where I see continued focus after a relative long time of sobriety can still be working. For example, I think as a drinking person we place different values on time management and other things based on their impact on our drinking times/behaviors and without the need of the drinking to factor in the value of the thing can change. Does this make sense? Another thing I think drinking impacts is the opinions we may have about certain people which may be irrational based on our vs their drinking behavior. That way of judging people or needing to judge might still continue. Sort of like the non-drinkers are the not cool people. Seriously I think the inability to make cognitive changes is what keeps the process difficult and can lead to return to drinking. I will keep thinking on this topic. I can identify thought processes where I could and would have drank in the past and they are different than triggers.
Wonderful for all who are marching right along with their landmark number of days of living to a richer level of fulfillment
STAY love carol xoxoxo
Day 4 (8 out of 9 days sober)
I’m feeling good and proud of myself for not drinking. I had a slight urge to drink after work last night, but just put it out of my head. My wife came in from her nightly cigarettes and I thought she smelled horrible (and told her so). I can imagine how badly I smelled with the beer stench added to the cigarette odor.
There is a big snow storm headed to NY tomorrow and in the past I would have stocked up with beer and drunk up a bunch of beers while it snowed. NOT THIS TIME!!!!!
mj – i like your “demon” analogy. Drinking is like the uglier side of life that we all sold out to. Allen Carr talks about this in his book. The lie alcohol is…how it is marketed…how we are taught early on that we “need” a drink to calm down or relax. It’s all bullshit if you think about it.
I’ve been thinking about how much money I will save without the beer and butts in my life :) And how much faster and longer I can run without these poisons in my body. I think a half marathon may be in my future :)
STAY strong all,
Lee
Morning All, feel much better today. I know I must remember where I’ve been so I can keep moving ahead. Staying humble to stay strong-make sense? I have been pondering the real reason why I drink too much (as suggested) and maybe I’ll be able to share one day. There is definitely some work I need to do with myself, and not just for a set time period as I have already done with only temporary success, then just continuing with stupid- I think some major parts of my past are still holding me down. Sounds stupid as I see it written down but it is true. A lot of really good responds from yesterday got me thinking and I can’t go back to drowning on dry land – I think that’s a song- ha!
Martha, As usual, feel like I’m talking to an old friend when you post. I did some reading last night and I’m not sure I’ve got what I mean yet – so I’ll refrain from posting gibberish until I have a better handle on something useful! What I read about dry drunk is not what I was thinking – as the very fact of curiosity regarding the question is counter to the definitions I read. I am deeply interested in the elements of the evolution from my drinking life to the current state of things, not just my own transition but what the characterizes a life transition. For a long time, I focused on being sober – or on not drinking (two sometimes different energies) and now, as I look back on the past six months of my life since my mother’s diagnosis until her death two weeks ago, I see this pattern of mine to dive in – to dive in so deep that there is nothing else that matters more. Certainly my experience in the past six months is a most treasured one, but I also notice that I am the one in the family that dove in deepest – and so there was some choice there that I made – and significantly more intensely than my siblings. Even my style at quitting alcohol was a dive in deep, head first, no looking back. Not the way most people quit. So, it’s something like this that I’m thinking about – this intensity – did I drank the same way? Is this at the root of it all?
Martha mentioned a version of trading – french bread for french wine, let’s say. So, the behavior is the same, substance different. This – SO familiar. Perhaps, if we dig a little bit underneath that very familiar pattern, we’ll find one that spreads a little wider throughout the fabric of who we have become through our actions – not necessarily who we are in spirit? It’s the who-we-are in spirit … this is the person who is now being embraced, nurtured, encouraged, permitted, shepherded to safety in our new lives. So, what actions will model this self? How does this saved, embraced spirit move through the world? With the same old actions? I’m pretty sure there is not only a new self who emerges as the addiction or the desire wanes, but that there are new ways of attending to the most important experiences in our lives or new ways of listening, new ways of reacting – that might be observable – and, too, nurtured as they are also in their infancy.
So – I forgot to say, Good morning! – Welcome to this day, all 30zzz’s, love to you each. I am going to turn my attention to that little puppy Bird who represents such tender green newness…today, on our river walk, I look forward to meditating on your courage, your intentions, our mutual hard work at emergence.
Love, love, love
Scout
Scout I would like to read on the dry drunk issue since what I know is a composite or info Ive retained in my head over the years. I undserstand your diving into things, I do the same thing and have over the years and have even been told that in my professional world.
Enjoy your little one and the older generation if she goes along to mentor Bird
Good Morning All Islanders and keep on Keeping ON STAY love carol xoxoxo
Jeanne1- Sorry I missed that line about the funeral somehow- I am sorry about your friend and hope you are ok.
Peppermint- great idea with the triggers- I am going to try that b/c an unexpected trigger is what gets us usually, not willful drinking.
Booboo- congrats!! You are doing awesome, but you know that.
MJ- Gotcha! Nice analogy.
Have a great day!
good morning all! Still here and readin, just not as much time to post as I would like. Was a good game on Sunday for sure! Mj – I am with you, the game seemed to fly by! The Who are still pretty good considering their age, and their lifestyles I might add, and they seemed to get better as the show went on. Congratulations to the Saints, and to their fans who deserve this for their loyalty and their perserverance! Nuff about that!
A couple of noteworthy callouts:
BooBoo – congratulations on your 6 month milestone! You are certainly a success story! Nice going!
Cricket – welcome back! You seem strangely quiet however…who are you and what have you done with the real Cricket!!!
John/Scout – yes, this long term sobriety has way more benefits than we can possibly imagine when we make the decision to do it. I could make a list as long as my arm and I suspect that I haven’t near seen the end of them!
I never had the question of who I wanted to be, just that I knew it was not the person I had become. I also knew when I got into this that there was no in between, it was forever if I could do it. I still have things to work on of course and because I have given up alcohol (the drink) doesn’t mean I am the best person I can be, only that I am clear to see my actions, and hopefully make good decisions. Scout, you not buying into the demon notion is fine however for me it’s alive and well. My demon evolved from a weekend stimulant (in my early years), on into my adult life as a perceived solution for dealing with stress, dissappointment, and fear. The more medicine we used, the more symptoms we created, creating a circle of doom and strengthening this demon we harbour! It isn’t the drink itself, (we see others who can drink ‘normaly’), but the belief we created which tells us consuming the drink is helping us, while it’s simply adding novocaine to the toothache. If we can learn to deal with day to day life, understanding stress and fear for what it really is, then we eliminate the need for a medicine, and subsequently the demon simply loses relevance. Okay, I am not saying that there isn’t addiction at play here, but that is physical, and somewhat easy to fix; what’s in our minds is much harder.
I am not sure if this makes sense to anyone but me.
Jeanne – Sorry for the loss of an old friend! Get yourself back on track, spring is on the way and there is much to do with that new hip!!!
Gypsie – you hang tough as well, no job is worth feeling like shit over when all is said and done! 6 months from now you will have something new and wonder why you didn’t move on sooner!
So much more to say, so little time! Have a good day everyone!
Today is day 30 and no looking back. Like Scout, I dove into this head first with the intention of never flirting with alcohol again. I can’t afford to. I’ll never be a social drinker and I emphatically know this. I knew this on Day One. It’s all or nothing and I’ve chosen nothing. But in choosing nothing, I’ve opened myself up to so many possibilities of real growth. I’m well on the way of becoming the me I want to be, and actually liking myself for probably the first real time. On day Two of this journey, I made myself a list of the changes that I honestly hoped would occur eventually without my crutch of alcohol. Today I can honestly check off all 37 points as having occured. And I feel confident that these changes will develop and grow as I develop and grow with my sober thinking.
Love to you all on this journey of self discovery. It is worth it! Carol, Scout, River Rat, Johan, Richard and countless others with more soberity can attest to this, I’m sure.
God bless you all,
Mary
Big Congratulations Maryg!!
Johan, I understand your words completely- and the fall I had with alcohol this weekend was just me looking for a false comfort/grounding towards my fears. It really made more of a mess of world- emotionally, during the after math- I suspect I will always have fear in my life but I heard someone say that ‘you need to smile at fear’ so.. not sure how I will begin that task but no time like right now to turn up the corners- I’m working to become more cooperative to this change even though I haven’t figured that out either- you’re right, I never really ‘fit in’ in this job.
Martha! Huge hugs, my friend! It is lovely to see you here…now where is Kathryn?
Maryg…my friend. You are an absolute legend. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Carol, I have been thinking about you, and Scout, you too.
Booboo – so cool on 180 days, such an awesome achievement.
Lee, Gypsie – we are doing this together, and there’s power in numbers, remember? :-)
TPAZ, I’m glad you’re still here too.
George? I would love to know how things are going for you too.
Everyone..Cybelle, Peppermint, John, JohnR, RiverRat, Lighthouse (where are you?), Jeanne, DryHeat, Mj, Johan…it is so hard to remember everyone’s names at this hour of the morning! Not one of you – even those who I haven’t named – have not failed to touch my heart and my spirit in some positive way.
A million thank you’s.
xxx
MaryG – Awesome on your 30, and onward!!! You have come a long way in a short time and I know you will feel even better at 60, 120 etc. Your statement about going “all or nothing and choosing nothing” is a play on words. You really chose ALL as opposed to nothing!!! I am happy for you!
Gypsie – yes, smile at fear, and recogonize that you are feeling it is enough to help! We will never know the strength of the anchor until weather a storm.
Hi Islanders!
I’ve had some computer troubles lately and have been unable to post. Finally got that all ironed out – geez, if isn’t one thing it’s another… I’m way behind on reading so I’ll need to jump back a few pages and catch up. I just wanted to say hello to everyone. :)
I’m on day 108 today and feeling good. I find it interesting how I seem to cycle through phases of being totally indifferent to drinking and then back to craving it. I’m in an indifferent phase right now. I went out every night last weekend and was surrounded by booze. Not once did the idea of drinking even creep into my thoughts. I feel relatively safe in this state of mind but I know how sneaky the cravings can be. They hit you like a freight train when you least expect it so I am forever on guard. I just wonder when this skipping between dramatically different mental states will end.
STAY strong everyone!
Started drinking heavily after Katrina…stopped after the Saints won the Super Bowl. Has a nice ring to it doesn’t it.
I remember being hesitant to stop drinking for fear of insomnia…now I get it when I do drink. What an evolution this journey of quitting has been. I just want lots of days now. A close friend really drinks a lot, more than I do and she says she’ll quit for lent. She says it’s easy for her but I’ll bet she has a hard time of it, if she even succeeds. I’d like to talk her into not starting up again after lent. Lent is 40 days so that’s good. Have a great sober day and night all.
Maryg – Beautiful post and heartfelt congratulations on your 30 days and beyond!
Maryg; great work on your part and keep enjoying your journey of the discovery of Mary – the success stories on this site are so special and real and that when I hear another I cheer even if I don’t write and acknowledge this feat – just think of how we are making the world a better place in each of our little pockets of it very quietly and amongst our environment – I am going to think of us whenever I see a commercial for doing something about making the world a better place
I am so glad a bunch of divers have gathered here to improve our lives and subsequently others – that is an awesome thought
Johan I understand what you are talking about – I read it several times to make sure I was not missing something – yes I believe in the demon theory the primitive brain that seeks self-pleasure right now at any cost and I am finding long term sobriety is helpful in keeping the demon at bay and keeping the ethical brain more in control – I got those thoughts from rational recovery beliefs and I agree with them
I also agree this does not make me a better person I continue working on my clutter vs hoarder stuff by learning more about the compulsive aspect of the disorder of hoarding and I am working on my habits a little at a time
it is raining (liquid sunshine in FL) and getting colder again and me n the dogs are cozied in
STAY love carol xoxoxo
Maryg-Congratulations on 30 days.
I want you to know how much I have appreciated the honesty and strength that you have brought to the Island. From Day 1 you made up your mind that some changes needed to be made in your life and you followed through each day and methodically and thoughtfully let us be a part of your journey. Your success is an excellent example that change can and will happen if and when we believe in and ourselves and have the determination to make a change.
Thanks Maryg
Love,
Peppermint
Hello fellow islanders. I’m still disconnected at home so therefore I haven’t been able to stay in touch. Maryg, You are a champion. Since your first raw and honest post you have taken long strides forward. You are an incredible source of strength to me and no doubt to so many. I have no doubt that you will continue to do well, reach your goals and discover a whole new world.
There are so many new comers here that I feel a bit out of the loop but your posts are little fonts of inspiration to me. I told my husband the other day that I was thinking about having a glass of wine or two on Valentine’s day as we have plans to go out to dinner with friends. He literally cringed when I said it. That said it all to me. I asked him if I was that much easier to live with since I had given it up. He said no but he knew that I wrestled with it so and he hated for me to have to start the struggle all over again. I also realized that last Friday night was the first Friday (out of 5 or 6) that I hadn’t felt deprived and angry for not having my loyal bottle of wine to reward me after a long week. My closet has been filling up however as I’ve lost weight and therefore reward myself with little shopping sprees on the weekend! Quitting drinking has not made me without flaws! I’m also realizing that this journey has many twists and turns. In the beginning, I felt elation at escaping the daily clutches of fogginess, shakiness and living life at 60 % instead of 100%. Then I felt sadness, anger and now acceptance. I’m hoping that soon, the joy will return but I also realize that I can’t sit on my duff and wait for it. We have to create our own reality. I’m a goal/project oriented individual. I have incredible energy as I’ve noticed many of us islanders do. I think that is why it took so many of us so long to admit that alcohol was a problem because we could function so well with it. Now that I’m clear headed, it’s time to take all those projects off the back burner and attempt to bring them to fruition. Win or lose, succeed or fail, I’ll never know unless I at least try. I know I’m rambling but I MISS YOU! Have a wonderful evening. Love always, Mara
Cybelle 108! you Rock-
++in Arizona-Read your comments about your husband. It was really positive that he commented that maybe you should not drink during the week. This is a start that could take you somewhere. Maybe just start out with mini goals like during the week and see how it goes. (I make it sound so easy) The good part is he is thinking about it.
Cybelle-Way to go on 108. Glad your computer is fixed.
Key-Yeah-Saints. Glad your friend is in on this with you. I know you be of help to her.
How awful to be a Dry Drunk. I have tried everyday to do something positive for myself. I read inspirational books, help others, bake cookies (HEE HEE) when I am home and just generally try to be a good person and take care of myself and not hurt others.
I try not to look too deeply into the past. I can’t change it. I can only try everyday to improve my life. This life – at this moment. I work hard to control my thoughts and I do have power over them.
I no longer have a physical attraction (I know the word is addiction but I don’t like that word) to the poison. It is just my little mind that thinks it would be fun again to just have one. It doesn’t happen a lot but it is still there and it does sneak up. The just “Just 1 Syndrome” or “One is the Loneliest Number Syndrome So Have Two Syndrome”
Beast or brain… or beast in my brain… it is there and sometimes very real and I always have my guard up. Will I always have this desire? I think so, but as the day’s goes by it gets less and less. This leaves me more time to live the quality life that I deserve.
Love,
Peppermint
Cybelle – I second that motion, you rock!!! Nice to hear from you, I am out of oranges and was hoping to ‘borrow’ some more from the plantation.
Mara – Nice post! I would like to add, that although I once called myself a ‘functioning’ drunk but I have to admit that the term was way over stated. I realize now just what I can accomplish in a week without the booze. Have a great night Mara.
Carol – you got it my long winded point, sometimes it’s in my head but doesn’t always come out in words. We are all a work in progress!
Nite all!
Pep – nice one, couldn’t agree more about letting the past go and focusing on now! Took 2 Tolle books to sink in and still working on it.
Eckhart Tolle- “A Spirtual Awakening To Your Life’s Purpose”. Another-”A New Earth”
Johan-My favorites-so far. Thanks.
johan:: nice point on the ‘functioning drunk’. I too never quite realized how truly dysfunctioning I was. Sure I dragged myself to the shower and put in a full day – wore it like a badge of courage. Now I realize the functioning part was merely on cruise control, running ’bout 20% of capacity.
Maryg:: congratulations on your marvelous 30 days!
Cybelle:: glad to see the web umbilical cord is connected again. Way to go on the triple digits!!!
Pep – Good post; I couldn’t agree more. Letting things go and living in the moment is a skill that takes some honing. I’m working on it but find it to be a second (or third) job at times! I know others have mentioned the ZenHabits.net website; it’s an excellent resource. I just read this quote there today:
“Try seeing the world as perfect the way it is. It’s messy, chaotic, painful, sad, dirty … and completely perfect. The world is beautiful, just as it is. Life is not something static, but a flow of change, never staying the same, always getting messier and more chaotic, always beautiful. There is beauty in everything around us, if we look at it as perfect.”
Hey Johan! Come on over, I’ve got plenty of oranges but the grove is really getting picked over lately. No more low-hanging fruit – time to bust out the orange picker!
MJ – It’s good to be back! :) BTW, I thoroughly enjoyed the Lost premiere last week – it’s nice to remember what happened!
Hello everyone, I finally see what our spouses or SO think about when they hear we quit drinking. I have a really good friend who is going through some really hard times with his wife. He has always been a heavy drinker and has told me he quit. But I have talked to him a few times at night and could swear he has been drinking. Now I see the doubt my family has and they probably think, yeah right. I have asked my friend if he was drinking and he says no but it sure sounds like it from the slurring of his voice. I wonder how many people I have talked to when I was drinking who thought the same thing and didn’t really want to talk to me but didn’t want to be rude. I probably got a lot of I have to go’s and now don’t remember them.
One more reason to stay sober, everyone have a sober night.
Hey Gang,
Greetings from Philadelphia and the soon to be snow capital of the world.
I lost sight of the importance of this community, but now have more understanding. What a wonderful group of folks! I had a dream two nights ago (a sober dream for a change) and I woke up thinking ‘whatever happened to my friend Martha?’ Then I logged onto this site and that saw she posted! And then Annie and her shout out to me! Wow, did I feel good.
So I went back a few pages and read from Scout, Carol, MJ, River Rat and Johan and I felt so good. I felt the acceptance, the hope and the love. I need to continue with this community or I will be lost. And I so don’t want to be lost!
Maryg, you story and journey is so inspiring.
Faith, where are you?
Annie and Martha, I really appreciate and need you guys…I am so happy you are both here.
Oh Kathryn…it is so wonderful to see you here! And Martha too! I can’t tell you the number of times I thought about my old chamomile-tea-swilling buddies!
Seriously, it is just super to hear from you both.
xxx
Day 2 and feeling on top of the world! Thank you fellow Islanders for your truly awe inspiring posts.
I am really, really Thinking Positive in AZ!