by Brad Bollenbach

Long Road to Nowhere

I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

– Henry David Thoreau

We often think of personal growth as being top-down. You start by asking yourself the Big Questions (TM), followed by a moment of clarity which reveals your life purpose, and finally you’re captured by this irresistible drive which launches you into purposeful motion, and everything just falls into place from there.

Unfortunately, real life isn’t always such a Disney movie. The path to growth is less like a railroad, and more like a gravel road…that’s under construction. It’s full of potholes and ditches, the occasional tree planted right in the middle, and some stretches where there is no road at all, and there’s no map telling you where to turn. It’s no wonder that we all feel lost from time to time, wondering what direction we want to take with our lives, debating whether to leave our soul-sucking job, facing the reality of an unhappy relationship, even struggling to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

As I wrote about in Finding Your Passion, I advocate relying less on self-interviews and more on taking massive action across a wide variety of domains, using serendipity as a weapon to hunt down the things that interest you. But what if that hasn’t worked yet either? What if you tried a bunch of stuff but haven’t yet found anything that sticks?

Bottom-Up Growth

The top-down approach implies that you have a clear idea of what you want. But self-fulfillment has another another entry point. Bottom-up development focusses on building the framework you need for living a life of purpose. It’s all about installing good habits that are independent of any specific goal. It’s an action plan you can start on this afternoon or this evening, that allows you to do incredibly productive and useful things, even if you’re still unsure about the big picture.

You don’t need to have a grandiose mission statement to figure out that you want to quit smoking or that drinking seven nights a week is unhealthy. By taking a bottom-up approach, you can immediately go from feeling bored and lost to becoming a busy proactivist. Happiness requires a velocity and a direction, the pursuit of a meaningful objective, and we all have a list of personal challenges waiting to be tackled.

There’s all sorts of useful stuff we can do with ourselves that doesn’t require a sixth sense to see, yet these projects can still provide a gratifying source of challenge, inspiration, and meaning in our lives, while the big picture continues to take shape. Here are some suggestions for bottom-up tasks you might find useful and fun, taken from what I’m doing in my own life at the moment:

  • Raise your standards. With whatever you do, ask yourself “Is this the best possible use of my time?” Is this the best possible book I can be reading? Is this the best possible tool I can be using to build a website? Do I need to read this mailing list? Raising your standards is more of a meta-goal, but consciously doing so will improve the quality of both your inputs and outputs. It may also result in ideas for bottom-up projects, like deciding to change your job when you realize that what you’re doing right now is a mediocre application of your skills, or choosing to leave a relationship when you finally acknowledge how much it’s pulling you down.
  • Break an addiction. We’ve all got vices. At any moment, you can choose to command and conquer yours, even though it may require a lot of time and effort to do so. I recently gave up alcohol for 30 days when I realized that, while it was hardly an “addiction”, I was drinking a little too regularly. I ultimately got back into red wine after that, but in a couple-glasses-with-dinner sort of way, which is pretty standard in Montreal. :) And now I actually enjoy it again.
  • Fix your sleep schedule. Figuring out the larger meaning of your existence is hard, but it’s ten times harder when you’re running on fumes. If you want a challenge, set a time in the morning that you want to wake up and commit to it. My own circadian rhythm was a mess until recently. I fixed it this month by committing to waking up every morning at 5:30 AM, and have since noticed a huge energy boost. The difference between sleeping poorly and sleeping well is the difference between Clark Kent and Superman.
  • Go organic. I spent literally years of my life eating at Subway for lunch almost every day of the week. I usually ordered something low-fat, but it was still far from the best food choice. I recently decided to change that. I found an amazing organic food restaurant nearby, and it’s become my new home away from home. They actually make…food there. Learning how to fuel your body using top-quality ingredients, in combination with sleeping better, will give you such an energy advantage over the current You that it’ll almost seem like cheating.
  • Hack reality. Spirituality is about hacking consciousness. Good spirituality, to me, provides tools with which to expand your awareness and renegotiate your contract with reality. It’s not about choosing to adopt someone else’s belief system, it’s about using first-hand experience to find an empowering perspective through which to interact with the world. Two books I highly recommend are The Power of Now and A New Earth.
  • Establish consistency. You’ve probably had those moments where you have goals, but hit points where you feel unsure about your next step. For example, I’ve had moments with 30 sleeps where I wrestle between focussing exclusively on the blog, or scaling back my writing a bit to focus more on the application. In moments like these, it’s important to keep moving forward, and not get paralyzed by indecision. My solution was to commit to three articles per week, between Monday and Sunday, no matter what, for at least 30 days. When you have a goal, but it sometimes gets a little blurry, establishing consistency about some aspect of it will ensure you keep making progress.
  • Become a social adventurer. No matter what your starting point, what day of the week it is, where you live, or what you look like, anyone can become a social adventurer. You don’t need a purpose in life to interact with the people around you. And this process will teach you far more about yourself than even the most brilliant “self-help” book. I’ve written more about this in Social Skydiving and How to Be Adventurous.
  • Write about it. Whether you’re feeling bored with life, or trying to sort your head out after a rough breakup, writing your thoughts down is one of the best ways to clarify them. It won’t necessarily reveal your true purpose overnight, but writing can definitely shed light on areas you can work on right now.

You’ll notice that, even though none of these suggestions necessarily has a direct relationship to your life purpose, they all provide a starting line for forward progress. As you can tell, I’ve found 30-day trials to be an effective vehicle for bottom-up projects as much as for top-down pursuits.

Of course, it’s not hard to generate new leads for things that could use your time and attention right now. Just ask yourself, “What sucks about my life right now?” and let the bug fixing begin.



Comments
  1. jon says:

    agile software development has the concept of reflective design versus predictive design. reflective design is preferred because it involves improving an existing design iteratively, instead of drawing a bunch of diagrams and predicting what your design will look like before you even actually write it.

    the more i ramble, the more i realize how similar life design is to software design. don’t do it all upfront, start with what you have existing and continuously improve it. the big stuff will work itself out eventually.

  2. Artem says:

    Brad, how do you manage to keep your 5:30 AM schedule? I used to get up at 5:00 AM for a while, but couldn’t keep it because of the social activities that normally take place in the evening. It’s hard to get up at 5 AM when you come back home from a meeting with friends at like 11 PM. I’d love to hear your solution.

  3. @Artem:

    It’s been only a few weeks since I got back on the early riser track myself, so the social impact hasn’t fully hit me yet, and probably won’t until I get back to Montreal after Christmas.

    The first thing is to ask why you want to get up that early. For me, waking up at, say, 8:00 AM makes me feel like I’ve missed the most rejuvenating part of the day. I work for myself, so I don’t have to wake up at any particular time, but getting up early is still a priority for me. If hanging around a certain group of friends virtually required late nights out in bars all the time, I just wouldn’t hang around them anymore.

    Is getting up at 5:00 AM as important to you as if you had to for your job? If so, then how would your life change if you did have to get up that early for work? If it’s not that important to you, don’t worry about it.

    What is important, IMHO, is that you pick a wake up time and stick to it, whether that’s 5:00 AM, 7:00 AM, or Noon. There is no one particular lifestyle for being rich and famous. As long as your sleep schedule is consistent, and you’re eating extremely well, you should notice a significant energy boost.

  4. [...] Bottom-Up Personal Development – One of the best articles I’ve read in the last few weeks, this is another one by Brad of 30sleeps. Bottom-up personal development means working on building the right habits and skills that work towards any goal. This type of self-improvement has been a priority for myself over the past few years as I’ve worked to slowly engineer the habits and skills I want. [...]

  5. [...] Feeling Lost? (tags: lifehacks happiness) [...]

  6. richiemond says:

    I’ve been “wandering” a huge part of my 30 year existence. I too have been lost without a “mission statement” compbass, and have spent a significant amount of time on that mission/vision/(even) goals thingie.

    So, I asked myself that selfhelp question “what did i learn from the past 5 years that i can apply to improve my next 5 years?” and my honest certain answer is not having spent so much time on that mission/vision/goals thingie and instead just focused on “solid”/bottom-up personal development.

    If I had done that, at the very least, looking back I’ll have a great framework. May not be in THE “best position” that a “real” passion might bring me, but definitely better than wandering land.

  7. Craig says:

    Hi Brad.
    I came across 30 sleeps only this week and its fantastic material. I was excited about the concept of social polarity but the Bottom-up growth idea drove me to post a comment.

    Its exactly what i’ve been doing for the past two years in the absence of a clear path. if you dont feel “prepared” for the “grand” calling you think your life will be about, then no-brainer independent improvements to your life will give you new opportunities, clearer thinking and stronger confidence for when you find something to really get passionate about.

    i’m currently working on eliminating a chronic need to please. i’ve given myself 30 days to try one particular method, accepting there will be days when it doesnt all go smoothly. the feedback from working on it intensely is vast.

    thanks and keep writing.

  8. Asher says:

    Good site, but I am confused. In earlier posts, you say that bug fixing is bad, but today you say, “let the bug fixing begin” do you think bug fixing is good or bad? Are the small things that you suggest here (ie diet and exercise) big things, or bugs?

  9. sixx says:

    I like the bottom up idea…seems like something I should consider doing…especially since I’m really started questioning my life at age 46…a bit late by “normal” standards, but at least before I die…its all good.

  10. Carly says:

    Thanks alot for this article…I’m at a point in my life right now where I have no job, no friends in the physical area of where I live, I’m in a rut, in a relationship that is less than fulfilling and I’m about 5 months pregnant. So needless to say I could use some advice from an outside source.

    - Carly

  11. Benjamin says:

    Good stuff mate . I agree that sleeping and eating healthy is very important. I would even add sports 2 times a week and yoga or daily meditation of 15 minutes (what is 15 minutes of your day, it sometimes saves you’re emotional state ;-) ).

    cheers

  12. mea says:

    I’ve read many articles on self help. but nothing seems to work up for me. I have joined a gym to help start a better day. For some time I feel good and happy but after a little time, I feel lost again. I am not able to work and study. Different sorts of thoughts keep coming to my mind. At office, I would just kill my time surfing the net or just walking all over the place. Sometimes I feel like quitting my job, sometimes feel like running away from everything and everyone and start new. I have lost friends, feel lot lonely. I tend to cut out from social events. Wondering what could I try to help myself out of it?

  13. Derrick says:

    Feeling lost has a healthy purpose. It may be your souls way of requesting for you to wake up to your life purpose.
    When there is a lack of life in multiple areas of your life, the opportunity is to find your significance by finding your purpose!
    There are many assessments that are available to help you wake-up to a greater sense of awareness and consciousness in your life-time.
    Especially if you are getting signs. Some are seeing 11:11, and other phenomena as clues to validate my opinion.

  14. adora says:

    I am in a point where i asked myself what the purpose of my life is. I feel very lost. I just lost my job and i realized i don’t have any real friends. I am in so much pain yet no one wants to listen….

  15. I have just got over the feeling lost for a year and have finally put everything thing back into place and feel balanced and at one with myself.
    Excellent set of tips.

    Cheers

  16. selfhelp says:

    As Napoleon Hill said in his book Think and Grow Rich;
    “Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe he will achieve” and looking at your comments section, I really believe this book should be made compulsory reading in schools today. It would solve many social as well as personal issues that are prevelant in todays younger society

  17. Christa says:

    I loved this sentence most: Happiness requires a velocity and a direction, the pursuit of a meaningful objective, and we all have a list of personal challenges waiting to be tackled.
    And your ideas about what we could change and do are great. The last one reminded me to a point in my life: Something very bad had happened (I walked over quite a few dead bodies after a plane crash) and I began to write a novel about it. No one has ever seen what I wrote, but I could feel that it is very helpful. After 3 years I began to get out of a deep shock and probably the writing has helped.

  18. Good information. so encouraging and lovely. I was once lost with my feeling. thanks

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