Flow with whatever is happening and let your mind be free. Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.
– Chuang Tzu
95% of everything you’ll ever need to know about meeting women can be summed up in four words: Go with the flow. Instead of trying to meet girls, focus entirely on yourself. Create a life that’s interesting and worthwhile to you, not because that’s an attractive quality to women, but because it’s your life and you are all you have. If you can’t live your own adventure, you’ll never be happy.
Funnily enough, doing things to impress women is pretty unimpressive. Neediness will bury you. The only way to attract the types of girls that actually belong in your life is to direct all your energy into being a world-class chef, rock star computer geek, champion race car driver, or whatever else lights your fire.
And then just talk to the people that show up on your path. Whether that path is the sidewalk on the way to the grocery store, the poker table, the front row of the audience at your show, or a bar or club that you’d be going to anyway, even if you already had a girlfriend. No matter what you do, there will be people all around you. The guy who asks, “Where’s a good place to meet girls?”, assumes that he can’t say hi to the gorgeous girl picking tomatoes beside him at the grocery store, or that he can’t walk up to a girl in a room full of seated people and just start talking to her.
Believe it or not, you can. It’s not the situation that stops you. It’s your ego that stops you. Getting rejected by a girl poses a serious threat to who you think you are. But here’s a little secret: If you’re constantly getting rejected, you’re constantly getting laid.
Fear of Rejection
You can’t do anything to change what a girl thinks of you. The moment you try to change someone’s opinion of you, you’ve conceded to their reality, instead of living life on your own terms and letting social polarity work out the details. The vast majority of guys who think they have no idea how to meet girls are really just making excuses for having a lethal fear of rejection.
How do you meet girls? By talking to them.
If you have the balls to talk to girls anywhere, anytime, you’ve nailed down a crucial 20% of the secret to attracting women that belong in your life. The other 80%, of course, is to be doing something so interesting with your life that women become an enjoyable diversion, rather than the foundation of your happiness. If you don’t respect yourself enough to approach girls that appeal to you, and find it hard to ignore being laughed at sometimes by the sexually frustrated masses, then you’re going to have to settle for whatever girl decides to allow you to have sex with her.
There Is No Try
The girls I meet are interested in me right away. If they aren’t, I’m not going to try and change their minds. In fact, I usually don’t even respond to anything less than a smile. If her reaction was anything but warm and receptive, I’m already talking to someone else. No hard feelings, but at the same time, life is too short to waste on the Nos. If Montreal weren’t full of astoundingly beautiful women, I might have to reconsider my wholesale approach. Thankfully, natural, high-fashion beauty is available here in bulk.
In fact, these days, I get approached more and more. The most recent example of this was New Year’s Eve. I was out with my buddy Yas, partying it up, when this girl came up to us and asked for a light. My buddy started talking to her really interestedly. A few minutes later, we all walked back inside. As I walked towards the dance floor, the girl grabs me from behind and pulls me over to introduce me to her friend. Here we go again…
This seemed pretty fun, so I stayed tuned in for several minutes. Then a good song came on so I headed to the dance floor once again. I noticed that the girl didn’t join me, but it didn’t matter either way. The Now moment is the only moment that counts, especially when it comes to social interactions.
During the next hour or two, I met a bunch of other people, and lost track of my buddy. This happens just about every time I go out to large social gatherings with friends. It’s also why I can have such a great time, even when I go out on my own.
By midnight, I was on the dance floor, dancing with these girls I had met outside about 20 minutes earlier. When the New Year hit, the girl who approached me and my buddy earlier finds me on the dance floor to come wish me Happy New Year–with a kiss.
We start dancing, and she ends up inviting me to her place afterwards. Rather, she didn’t invite me, but was saying things like, “Yeah, when you come to our place later on…” Hmmm, okay.
But apparently that kiss was a commitment. This girl eventually starts getting possessive towards me. She gets visibly jealous seeing me talk to other girls. Fast forward to a couple hours later, and I’m outside talking to a couple dudes about Quebec’s equivalent of Woodstock, how awesome Montreal girls are, and various other things, when this girl taps me from behind.
“Bye Brad. We’re leaving.” Whoa, she’s pissed now.
“Okay, have a good night!” I reply, with a goodbye cheek-to-cheek. And back to the conversation…
The more people you meet, the more you’ll see patterns emerge, and the less you’ll take it personally when things go sour. Sometimes the drama takes a few days, weeks, months, or even years to unfold, but it all boils down to the same ego-based insecurities. And it’s no big deal. Just go with the flow, and be thankful when you find things out up front.
No one is good or evil. We’re all just a bunch of egos passing judgement on other egos, to help keep our own ego intact. Strange but true.
Self-Created Problems
A guy who gets both legs amputated has a walking problem. A guy who loses his front teeth in a hockey fight has a dental problem. A guy who says, “I can’t approach that girl! What if she rejects me!?” does not have a problem meeting women. He’s created the problem in his head, but it isn’t real. So at any moment, you can delete this self-destruction from your life.
What do you say to a hot girl when you see her? Anything you want. Even asking that kind of question is just an excuse to not be alive, out there in the world, making yourself vulnerable, speaking your truth, and living with the consequences.
If there’s anything good about self-inflicted misery, it’s that only you can change it, and the present moment is always giving you permission to let go.
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I agree with the original post. It’s hard for me right know, because a lot of the things in my life are pissing me off! I mean if I got a good break here and there, than I’d be a better commodity with women. But the being #$it on in my life making it difficult too rise above, and show my best self. I’ve been on top of my game before, but sometimes we all get lost in the game. When it’s a little more complicated than just what the author wrote. Being a player in life has too do with you being happy with everything your doing in life, staying fit, eating healthy, spending time with POSITIVE PEOPLE ALL THE TIME. Making sure, we’re making good decisions that’ll affect our womanlife, understanding women and feeling good about yourself. It’s about being in the right mindset, everything. If I had the money I’d be a player even in the toughest city in Canada, and no I wouldn’t be buying girls stuff. It would just be because I wouldn’t be worried about money, and it setting me back you know. I’d have a nice tv room, nice bed, nice couch. Etc, it would be my own oasis, and then before I’m going out somewhere for the night I’d have a shower,stretch do a bit of excercise and feel SEXCELLENT= SExy+ Excellent. Then the babes, just come too you, and your not in a slump. Just a flick of a switch and my world would be completely flipped around in a good way. It’s real truth, making your life amazing and taking every opportunity that comes your way. What guy’s forget too realize is, guys do all the work talking and trying too meet girls. But girls do subtle things beforehand, if a girl checks you out 95% of the time she’s basically saying she wants you too talk too her. But a lot of the time it’s too quick that it happens, we can’t think right and we walk past the girl and kick ourselves for days. Why because we were afraid, and it’s stupid the girl was pretty much just asking too talk too you silently, and you ignored her. Maybe I’m wrong, but I think I’m totally on point with this one. I’m sure a lot of you guys walk past girls that look at you, and you can tell.
Another thing is, trying too blend in with her and her girlfriends,etc. Fit the part, etc a lot of this stuff that I know is true ” Kills me Inside” Because it’s frecking wack that girls want you too act like that. The fact is you go too a dating site, and girls got this, that, etc on there lists of what they like about a guy. So if you can be a mindreader before you see the girl, and think okay what do you think this girls like. You’re better prepared too do your thing, when your talking too her. You know how she reacts, you know her personality. This girl on a dating site has on her pro ” I’m the Engine ” I’m in search of a great mechanic”. So basically she’s saying too the world she’s a girl, how can you do your magic on me too make my engine( Herself) feel amazing like I want too feel. So analyze that, and realize you gotta understand the whole atmosphere of being around women. Know that maybe you can g et away after talking too her for awhile by touching her arm for a sec, and take it back, then later do it for a bit longer,etc. She needs too get immune too you being in her space. So you gotta work up too the kill, where you want too get into her pants lol. Eye contact= key, focus on her eye contact. Try too understand what she’s thinking, focus on your eye contact. How are you looking at her, are you looking happy/bored/etc. Could go soo many ways, these may seem like nothing. But it’s the details that can make things get heaty, or turned off. The focus gotta be there, when you set yourself in the room with this girl, focus on nobody being there but the two of you. All you gotta do, is have fun and be a gentleman, and instinct will take over.
Wherever you go, practice on cashiers. I find it’s very easy, and if done well makes you feel good inside. So you go too the liquor persay, and you just say something original(funny) etc, it’s all in good fun. Dating doesn’t gotta be a serious thing, just having fun. That’s where the energies gotta be channeled, so persay your in the worst mood in your life. You gotta channel your energy, and think of how you really are going too enjoy talking t oo this girl, and it’s going too make you feel wonderful. Then just don’t get sidetracked by getting angry at the world, for all the shit. Just stay with that, your confidence will go up.
There’s
a few dimensions too being a pickup artist K I’m a break it down like this.
- Being confident happy
-Understanding women, and being funny, awesome, cool guy that knows how too live life, and enjoys adventure
-Listen too women, study there facial gestures,
- Being a pyschologist too women in some way, by giving them good advice.
- Being fit, sexy looking, proud of who you are.
- Having hobbies, that are cool that you can talk too girls about and they get interested.
-Body Language
-Being a man
-Being a great cook/ hostess
-Teaching her things, letting her teach you things
-Being interested in her life
- Letting her know that you have the ability too make her life amazing, and doing that.
I think I’ve covered quite a few aspects of women, so I help that helps you out. I know I’ve helped myself out, by just reading what I’ve wrote down here tonight!
Peace good luck with Women!
Hey congratulations on a great article. Although I’m a straight female, this is advice I could really use.
I’m 20 years old. As sad as it is to admit I am basically a social recluse and have hit rock bottom myself. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for various reasosn which I won’t go into here obviously. I know that you can’t be a victim of your circumstances forever, and I’m committed to really working on that.
I have only ever been able to get very low end jobs because I feel like that’s all I’m capable of. Then if I make any silly little mistake in these jobs I beat myself up about it because I feel like if it’s such a scummy easy job I should do it perfectly. At my first job the boss was abusive made me feel pathetic and ruined whatever little self esteem I was trying to preserve. Currently unemployed. I have only a couple of friends who I don’t see often. I am failing my college semester. Hardly anyone knows I exist. Life has felt very hopeless for a long time.
Approaching guys has always been out of the question. Not sure how my brain would react if I was rejected. I have never had any intimate contact with guys before at all, despite going to a normal school. Strange since people tell me I’m relatively intelligent and good looking. Really need to get my life on the right track. I’m sick of being unproductive and being scared of becoming a worse loser than I already am. Just need a bit of inspiration which I am currently gaining from your website so thank-you lots and I hope to read more articles very soon.
K
Sorry I just realised this post may be a little out of place here, and sorry for the perhaps too autobiographical content.
Living life as an adventure is the best advice you can give a person. Adventures are fun, daring, and unpredictable. Most men fear this. Glad to see we think alike
this is so true.
just like selling,
when you don’t “try” it seems to work better :)
very true post, cheers!
jonh.
Okay.. Stumbleupon brought me here.. I read few of your articles.. I’m your fan and I’ve now subscribed you.. :)
i am a straight man that seems to meet the very nasty ones that have the attitude problem, and are so very hard to start a conversation with.
80% is living an amazing life? What If I don’t want to become a Rock star, or a stunt man? That’s pretty far out advice, and complete bullshit. I have slept with plenty of women, and I did it by sheer volume. I approached tons and got tons of numbers, not caring about the results..That’s how you meet women everywhere ..talking to people everywhere you go is 50% of the work, the other 50% is the inner work you do on yourself…(How you see yourself, and the world). That’s all there is to it. The rest of the article is dead on but the part about becoming a musician/mountain climber kills it. ALL I DO ALL DAY LONG IS WORK OUT IN A GYM. Sculpting my body, if somebody doesn’t like that, Fuck them. It has it’s many benefits ;) but I really don’t see any interest in doing anything else but drinking out with my buddies. If you have to become a artist or painter because you want to live an ‘attractive’ lifestyle, you’re better off looking for other info on the internet