Comments on: Hitting Rock Bottom

By: sydnei

sydnei — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 02:25:50 +0000

my bf is an alocholic. he admits it, has been to aa, but it is a cycle he drinks sun, mon, tue, wed, thurs on fri he wont drink since we see each other fri and sat. i don’t hear from him usually all week until say thurs or fri morning. he vows every weekend he is going to try again and go to aa and take kudzu (an herb that stops the craving – which HAS worked for him). he has even read nasty, out of character, text messages he sends me at night when he is drunk and is ashamed of them when he sees them in the morning. like what i’ve read here and on different sites..he is two different people…sober…i couldn’t special order a more perfect guy….drunk he’s the devil. is he blowing smoke up my ass when he tells me he wants to quit and he hates this? from where i’m sitting he isn’t even trying. i don’t want to give up on him – but this is getting old – alcohol took his life i don’t want it to take mine too. i guess i just want to know from someone who has been in his shoes….does he sound remotely close to finding sobriety? since apr/may 2009 he has been in and out of aa…sober no more than 10 days.

By: Rochelle Toon

Rochelle Toon — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 23:43:37 +0000

As someone on the other end of alcoholism. I want to let you know that your daughters will greatly appreciate everything you are doing for yourself to get better. Your wife/girlfriend will also respect and love you more deeply with every effort that you take. Family is the one thing is life that is constant and good. If you let it be.
I have been on the daughter side of an alcoholic, and I am now on the girlfriend side of an alcoholic. I prey ever day that He will see the destruction he has not only caused himself but every one that actually cares for him, that will be here for him in the end!

By: Lost Wife

Lost Wife — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 19:51:32 +0000

Please help me.. My husband drinks all the time, holds down a very important job does not admit to having a drinking problem. He cannot just drink one beer and for the last 6 months has drank everynight, gotten drunk everynight and is no living on his own without me his wife and two amazing teenage children. He also had an affair and this is so out of character for my “real” husband. He was amazing the best father and husband a girl could ever dream of. Now, he blames me for everything, his son for everything and now the girl he had an affair with. He told me I was right about her, how could she do that to a family. How could HE do this to his family? I know I cannot fix him, but I’m so sad all the time that he is living this life. I love him more than he seems to love himself.. He is a wonderful man with a huge problem. What is it going to take for him to hit rock bottom and admit that he needs help? Please any advise..he is leaving his amazing beautiful family that loves him SO much.

By: Chris

Chris — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 00:28:23 +0000

This post seems to have struck a nerve!
Thanks for this and all of your posts.
Very insightful.
I’ll inhale them all ASAP.
My observation is that:
Your advice is the quintessence of true. It is also roughly, in my estimation, kinda useless. But I want to reiterate that I appreciate and enjoy your insights. And your commitment to truth.
I’ve noticed a lot of self-help and let-me-help-you (veteran’s) lit is predicated on observations like:
Your actions speak louder than your words, and you have to commit to health. I mean the seven habits of successful people type of observation.
If these observations were enough to save people on the skids, then just handing them a stack of books and a week off should be enough.
I noticed along the way back from my own nadir, which still looms large enough, that these kinds of truths don’t work.
making change requires facing a bear that’s a different bear for everybody. The bear might be a woman or a police officer or the “man in the mirror” or your own mother. In any case it is in the mouth of the cave and there is nothing behind. No escape.
I will wobble out onto a limb here and say that for me facing the bear is the challenge. Knowing who it is and what it is and standing face to face with it is the answer. That requires help. That requires therapy and safety, and someone to ask you that lovely question:
“how’s that workin out for ya?” every day until you realize, of course, inevitably, that the bear somehow is behind you and fresh air is in front.
Just to be clear: The bear is not in a can. Beer or whatever it is is just a way of staying in the cave. “self-medication”.
I appreciate any feedback, and I assure you that I intend this in the spirit of quest for truth, not nerdy superiority!
ta-ta.

By: RCS

RCS — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 02:49:36 +0000

Im trying, I just found this site and reading this may help a little. Im fighting 25yrs, it’s gonna be tough. I hope I want to more than I have to. Well see..

By: gtg

gtg — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 22:33:17 +0000

I have been blessed, only to continually screw it up time and time again. There is an enemy that the world ignores. It is Satan. He drags us to the pit of despair and we follow and choose the easy path.
I have been to teen challenge, aa, read rational recovery, and have been the genetic product of alcoholic parents. Life is hard when you choose to self destruct by falling into the same pit of despair and hopelessness, time and time again.
GOD bless us all who believe yet cannot comitt to the deception the of the world’s blinders.

By: John

John — Mon, 04 May 2009 00:49:37 +0000

Hi
The fellowwho will turn 40 d has a littl daugher touched my heart. Like him, notin okd fr me except one thng. that One thing i “Jesus”. AA and Rehabs never worked. First we must have the desire to stop; then get on our knees and speak to God, and beleve in Him and His power.

During my last drinking experiene I was at the bottom.Lost it all (too much to tell here)but gained eternal life.

By: drM

drM — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 04:51:03 +0000

Not for nothing, but as someone working on her doctorate in clinical psychology, we spend a lot of time studying and learning about the science of addiction and what works and what doesn’t.

I agree with the assessment – if your doctor isn’t helping you, get a second opinion. Antabuse (and there are other, better medications, but antabuse is the least expensive and most well known) can be an aid to getting sober – but it won’t take the place of the social support and counseling that most people in recovery have found they need.

The purpose of AA is not to tell you you have a problem, it’s to form that sober social network, and it’s a place where you know you will not be judged for your struggles. That being said, it won’t get you sober. It’s a way to stay sober. But it also only works for about 1 out of 20 people – but, as they say, it works if you work it.

It’s your life. It doesn’t matter HOW you get sober, and if you need more than one thing than use more than one thing. Use antabuse in addition to counseling in addition to AA or Smart Recovery. Use whatever book you can get your hand on. What works for one person might work for you or might not. If counseling didn’t work before, try a different counselor. The most important part of any counseling attempt is the relationship you form with the counselor. If you hate your counselor, you won’t go back. Find someone you can work with. Look for someone that specializes in “Motivational Interviewing” – this is a style of counseling (developed around addictions) that has been shown in LOTS of research with lots of people to really have a greater effect on the success of behavior change.

Most importantly: don’t give up. Behavior change is one of the most difficult things a person can do. But you’re worth it. Your family is worth it.

By: Fee

Fee — Fri, 16 May 2008 03:32:28 +0000

I am blown away by your open and honest approach to life. Thank you so much.

And Kev – if you have the ability to so openly bare your soul about the depths of your darkness the war is more than 90% won.

The devil frolicking in the playground of your mind is on his deathbed. And that surely is something to go hug your kids about!

By: johan

johan — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 00:33:03 +0000

i absolutely love your honest “its a fucking war” style! i wouldn’t have put the last line there, excuse for being honest… its a pleasure to read, thanks :)