Loss of a Loved One

by Brad Bollenbach, August 26, 2008

Derek Sloboda

On Friday night my 22-year-old cousin, Derek Sloboda, was out on a lake partying with his friends when the boat they were in capsized. In the ensuing frenzy, some of them, including Derek, left the overturned boat in 30-metre-deep water to swim to dry land and find help.

If anyone had the physical strength for heroism in this situation, Derek certainly did. He’s been an athlete all his life, and in recent years his efforts in the gym had shaped him into something resembling a Greek statue. But at some point during the chain of events, Derek disappeared.

There were as many as eight boats that went out to search the waters that night, and all of Derek’s friends were eventually recovered safely. But Derek was not. What began as a rescue mission ended as a recovery operation.

I’ve spent years shaping my voice as a writer. I’ve worked really hard to develop the creativity and precision to express my ideas in rich and interesting ways. But I have hit a dead end here. There is no sorrow of a magnitude greater than that which my aunt, my uncle, my cousin Kristin, our family and his friends are now facing. There are no words to describe the inside of a black hole.

It’s hard to believe we lost him. So to we lost that part of us which he held: as a friend, a family member, a coworker, a teammate, a brother, a son, a grandson, a cousin, a nephew, a student, a teacher, a boyfriend, a good kid. We will never forget his kindness and his innocence.

Derek had a healthy appetite for danger–the good kind. I personally will remember, among other things, my admiration for him moving to Banff to work there for several months, for his willingness to take a chance on something new in that way. I was even more blown away in hearing that while he was there, something made him reflect on how poorly he treated his sister at times, and how they often fought over silly things. When he returned from his trip he apologized to her and they became closer than ever. For a kid with such good genetics, he had every reason to be cocky and arrogant, but somehow managed to be exactly the opposite.

We love you and we miss you buddy. Because of your life, we will live differently.

Comments

G on August 26th, 2008 at 5:08 pm #

I’m really sorry. I can’t imagine how you must all be feeling. Your readers are thinking of you.

TMcG on August 26th, 2008 at 6:26 pm #

I’m so sorry for your loss Brad.

It sounds like Derek made such a big difference in many people’s lives and my thoughts are with you, your family and his many friends.

mark dzioba on August 26th, 2008 at 7:15 pm #

I’m so sorry for your loss. Derek seemed like a very nice person. My heart goes out to you during this tragic time.

Stephanie on August 26th, 2008 at 7:47 pm #

Brad,

Thanks for conveying the heroic story of an amazing young man. I love your observation about how Derek and his sister became closer. It reminded me of my brother and how much I love him.

I hope that the memory of Derek’s strength gives all of you faith and hope for the future.

-Steph

Phil Gerbyshak on August 26th, 2008 at 7:55 pm #

Brad - it is because of your son’s life that this world will be a better place. Though I’ve never met him, or you, your words about him cut through me like a knife. Please accept my deepest sympathies and my hope for peace for you and your family.

Thank you for sharing Derek with all of us during what must be an extremely tough time.

Manuel on August 26th, 2008 at 8:03 pm #

Goodbye Derek.

Unfortunately I’ve never meet you, but I’m sure that we would be great friends and you would teach me a lot of things with your life.

Stephane Daury on August 26th, 2008 at 9:05 pm #

My most sincere condolences Brad.

I know how much it hurts, but one’s pain is always as unique as the person who left us.

Isaac on August 26th, 2008 at 10:24 pm #

I was so happy to see you had made a new blog entry. It’s strange how quickly emotions can change from one extreme to the other.

I hope you are doing alright, man. It’s never easy to face the inexplicable mysteries of existence in this way. The only words of comfort I can offer won’t really help you feel better right now.

You have offered us all so many helpful and comforting and wise words. I know we all want to return the favor when you need it.

Peace and Love my Brother,
Isaac

Brad Bollenbach on August 27th, 2008 at 10:45 am #

Thank you guys. I know that those who need it more than anyone right now–my aunt, my uncle, and my cousin Kristin–will especially appreciate the warm embrace.

Rod on August 27th, 2008 at 3:43 pm #

Condolences to you and all your family.

I’m so sorry.

Bye, Rod

Argent.Ounce on August 28th, 2008 at 12:02 am #

Mis condolencias Brad, a ti y a tu familia. Siento mucho que haya pasado así. Que su recuerdo no se olvide jamás. Saludos y un gran abrazo desde México.

Cheryl Laxton on August 28th, 2008 at 1:03 am #

Hi there…
I worked with Derek in Lake Louise. I just made a post on the group page - but I wanted to tell you that in the short time Derek was here he grew immensely as a person. He gained something out here that only he will truly know - and embrace. When I read what you wrote about his change in heart towards his sister - it was of no surprise.
Whether it was the physical work, the isolated location - or the natural beauty of the rockies……he opened his heart and mind to it - and took some wonderful things home with him.

I share in your loss.

Mike on August 28th, 2008 at 9:01 pm #

Never knew him, but I feel really bad for the family as well as the people who were on the boat with him.

Unreal what the survivors on that boat have to live with for the rest of their lives..

BB on August 31st, 2008 at 7:26 am #

Brad,

My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult and painful time. A time that doesn’t end when the ceremonies end and everyone goes home…It begins a time that will change your lives forever, but a time that will heal and restore back to life. I have learned that life does go on, it goes on differently, but it will go on.

May he rest in peace.

Namaste.

Diana on September 12th, 2008 at 11:19 pm #

Brad,

I read your blog from time to time…god, I’m just so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you and your family [especially your aunt and uncle and cousin] are going through. You’re right, there are no words for this. I just hope that your family can find happiness again. I wish to them and to yourself only good things, and you all have my condolences.

violet y. on September 21st, 2008 at 6:36 pm #

I am so sorry for you loss. I never really knew Derek but I did meet him once at my cousin’s lake last year. My cousin was actually on the boat that night and he was pretty close with Derek. But he and his friends are all going to get a tattoo of his name and the date.
Rest In Peace Derek

Most Popular

Recent Posts

Categories