I believe this goes for both selling a product and selling yourself. In either case it is possible to con others in order to make them value you — but you find out soon enough that lack of genuineness is likely the worst possible trait (again, whether we’re talking selling products or selling yourself).

I need to just get over myself & reach out more in the times when I am not limited by chronic fatigue & pain. I must not get so down when it’s not as often as I like it to happen, either…and keep trucking so I can encourage others!

Really.

Thanks.

I think you’re absolutely right, that nobody cares, but that’s not as depressing as it sounds. The best way to connect with someone is not to tell them about yourself, but to ask them questions about their interests and activities with genuine interest. I guess then it’s just a matter of finding someone you can relate to. In my experience, finding someone you can deeply relate to is pretty damn rare.

Anyway. Thanks for the post- I appreciate your writing style. Wishing you well.

My q: you link building relationships to building a successful business. But to build a successful business you need to have a product of value to offer your customers. What if I, as a person, have nothing to offer potential friends/partners?

I’m not just being self-deprecating, and I don’t want to be patted on the head and told ‘of course you have something to offer’ – because I don’t.

I’ve always found the initial part of making friends quite easy – but after people start getting to know me better they inevitably lose interest. I hang out with people during classes – but soon after we start to see each other in a purely social setting, they take visible pains to avoid me.

You might say ‘get a hobby, build relationships based on something you love’ – but I find that even people who share the same interests as me can’t stand me for long. I don’t think I’m particularly obnoxious, nor do I smell bad…

Any suggestions?

I want to change my life for the better so I’m willing to put it all on the line. I have nothing to lose I’ve already hit rock bottom. I want dates for this summer and thats my goal. Thats why I’m out talking to women I’m interested in.

How bad do you truly want to change your life? If your okay with being lonely, not dating more, and having a larger social circle so be it.

Lastly I’d admit rejection initially was the reason I never wanted to meet new people. Especially since I’m a quiet guy, but getting over the whole situation has been great thus far.

I have to agree with this. Going out and meeting people, getting rejected or feeling like you don’t fit in is very taxing. If you’re a widget salesman, and no one wants to buy your widgets, who cares? It’s not a personal judgment. When you try to sell yourself, and no one’s buying, it’s much more depressing.

‘Rather, this is meant to address people who feel themselves stuck in a social rut, and think that it’s “so hard to meet people.”’

It IS hard to meet people, even if we accept that it’s our own fault. I don’t sit around moping saying “it’s hard to meet people in this town”. I sit around moping saying “I wish I weren’t terrified of meeting people and knew how to create good friendships with them after I’ve met them”. I know it’s my fault, but I just don’t know how to behave in social situations.

What is fear ? Fear is leaving your comfort zone behind, doing stuff thats unknown.

How do you overcome it ? By doing it lots !

You will become an expert in building social networks my friend.

If you ever move to Belgium send me a mail :-)

cheers,

great post. even b4 i found your blog, past few months i was having the spontaneous urge to say ‘hi’ to strangers. i spent a few months in halifax where most strangers say ‘hello’. i was shocked to see that in vancouver many ppl would smirk even if you just smile at them.

anyway here’s what i wanted to know. how do you literally avoid “eating alone”. can you ask strangers to come join you at the lunch/coffee table? how?