On Friday night my 22-year-old cousin, Derek Sloboda, was out on a lake partying with his friends when the boat they were in capsized. In the ensuing frenzy, some of them, including Derek, left the overturned boat in 30-metre-deep water to swim to dry land and find help.

If anyone had the physical strength for heroism in this situation, Derek certainly did. He’s been an athlete all his life, and in recent years his efforts in the gym had shaped him into something resembling a Greek statue. But at some point during the chain of events, Derek disappeared.

There were as many as eight boats that went out to search the waters that night, and all of Derek’s friends were eventually recovered safely. But Derek was not. What began as a rescue mission ended as a recovery operation.

I’ve spent years shaping my voice as a writer. I’ve worked really hard to develop the creativity and precision to express my ideas in rich and interesting ways. But I have hit a dead end here. There is no sorrow of a magnitude greater than that which my aunt, my uncle, my cousin Kristin, our family and his friends are now facing. There are no words to describe the inside of a black hole.

It’s hard to believe we lost him. So to we lost that part of us which he held: as a friend, a family member, a coworker, a teammate, a brother, a son, a grandson, a cousin, a nephew, a student, a teacher, a boyfriend, a good kid. We will never forget his kindness and his innocence.

Derek had a healthy appetite for danger–the good kind. I personally will remember, among other things, my admiration for him moving to Banff to work there for several months, for his willingness to take a chance on something new in that way. I was even more blown away in hearing that while he was there, something made him reflect on how poorly he treated his sister at times, and how they often fought over silly things. When he returned from his trip he apologized to her and they became closer than ever. For a kid with such good genetics, he had every reason to be cocky and arrogant, but somehow managed to be exactly the opposite.

We love you and we miss you buddy. Because of your life, we will live differently.